”Lost”: Kate’s mystery deepens
Tonight, Lost reaffirmed my suspicions that nothing good is ever stored in silver briefcases. While diving in the Survivor Reward Pool (was I the only one who thought all that was missing was some free beer and all the Pringles they could eat?), Kate and Sawyer find two dead bodies (was I the only one who noticed people die in twos on this island?) and a case that Kate takes a serious interest in. I myself had taken a serious interest in Kate — what exactly had she done to become a dangerous wanted criminal who gets extradited across continents with a silver briefcase? — and so how very glad was I to find out that she is actually a bad, bad bank robber with a bad, bad bank-robbing boyfriend? And then that she shot her bad, bad boyfriend in order to save the life of the bank manager, and that she was only robbing the bank to get . . . a tiny toy airplane. That belonged to someone she loved/killed. So. Kate = murderer. Dammit, I already knew that. Guess I have to keep watching the show. Crap.
Meanwhile, young Shannon is feeling useless. Why? Well, because Boone, her increasingly creepy brother, told her she was. Now, while I don’t believe the girl is without skills — did you see that pretty pink Paris Hilton outfit she whipped up for the evening’s festivities? — I do tire of her bratty-ass attitude. So when Sayid started looking at her with his big, smart, dreamy eyes, looking at her the way I want him to look at me, I wanted to die. Screw the polar bear — what I want to know is how the hell they’re going to justify the brilliant former Iraqi intelligence officer’s attraction to Vapid Blond Chick? Men. They’re all the same. Sigh.
Shannon proves to have a dubbed singing voice the likes of which Ashlee Simpson would probably kill for right now, and also the ability to translate the weird French words that Rousseau (crazy French lady who lives in a box) scribbled next to a bunch of math equations about latitude and longitude. Turns out Rousseau wrote down the lyrics to a festive little number called ”La Mer,” a.k.a. the Bobby Darin hit ”Beyond the Sea,” which ran under the closing credits of a little movie about a fish called Finding Nemo. But Shannon doesn’t say that; she just says something about how the son of the guy she was dating in Saint-Tropez constantly played the video of a computer-animated movie about a fish, which is odd because Finding Nemo is a Disney movie and Disney owns ABC and don’t you think they could have just come out and said Finding Nemo? Frankly, this whole bit made no sense, and I’ll say it again: It all seemed set up to get Sayid to look at Shannon with his pretty eyes, and I don’t like it. I don’t like it one bit. After all I’ve done for you, J.J.!
Bright moments, though, in this emotionally challenging episode included Kate head-butting Sawyer not once but twice! Seeing that she used to have a bad, bad boyfriend definitely cleared up her attraction to Sawyer, by the way, and Jack’s consistently petulant and holier-than-thou attitude is starting to make me think that we’d all be better off if Kate and Sawyer — who, after his episode trying to get the silver briefcase open, I shall now refer to as Monkey Boy — would just get it on already. And although it seemed strange there was so little general concern about the abducted Claire, I liked that Formerly Catatonic Woman took an interest in Currently Catatonic Charlie and really drew him out of his shell. Nice prayer time. Really. Nothing stupidly emotionally manipulative about that, no sir.
And then there’s the tiny toy airplane. I have no idea what that thing is. The best I could do is that somehow it’s the plane they’re all on, and the universe has folded in on itself, and when Kate took it out of the bank, they were all doomed because Claire’s impending baby is gonna really like toy airplanes. Or something. Dude, I’m totally Lost. Boom.
1. All right. So Boone is clearly nuts. And so is Locke, maybe. But still, what is that thing out in the woods that they found last episode and they’re spending all day, every day, digging up? The length of time it’s taking for them to dig leads me to believe what I said before: spaceship.
2. Where’s Hurley? He’s not easy to misplace.
3. The shots of the waves crashing on the beach and making all the people run to save their belongings turned my stomach, what with the tsunami and all, and for a brief moment I was like Oh my God how could they show that how insensitive I’m appalled. And then I got really pissed at myself for becoming one of those people, like the kind of people who call the FCC when they don’t cut the f-bombs out of Saving Private Ryan, and now I just feel weird about myself in general, and concerned that I am becoming my mother.
4. Where did the polar bear come from?
4a. How the hell are they going to justify the brilliant former Iraqi intelligence officer’s attraction to Vapid Blond Chick?
5. The Korean lady overhears Kate and Jack talking about what Kate did to get arrested. And the Korean lady can understand English, don’t forget. So now what? She tells Michael. Michael tells Hurley. Hurley invents . . . a legal system?
6. Do the extras ever get pissed off when they’re in the background doing all the hard labor and the people with their names in the front credits are just standing around looking mopey?
7. How does one learn how to head-butt?