Last week’s season 3 premiere addressed the major cliffhanger from the season 2 finale, with Michael surviving after being shot by his partner Susanna (a.k.a. Rose). He made it, sure, but there’s still a long road to recovery ahead and issues to be addressed, like whether or not he’ll return to police work and the whole Jane being a married mother, but still a virgin thing. Now out of the hospital and back at Alba’s house — which has been redecorated with horrible, awful wallpaper after the water damage — the show and clothes within it are lighter in tone.
Following his arrest for giving his urine to help two social media savvy “fans” pass their drug tests, Rogelio makes a PSA. In it, he wears a white suit with a yellow tie and pocket square, perfectly filling the part of a horribly, cheesy spokesperson. “Urine swapping is no joke,” he says. “It’s a federal crime. Make no mistake, if you swap, you’re in big trouble.” (Michael quips, “You mean the PEE-PEE-SA?” It’s so bad, it’s good.) Rogelio is upset because the video went viral and hurt his reputation. On top of that, his rival Esteban is featured in a “What’s In My Murse?” story, which Rogelio takes to mean that Esteban is on his way to becoming a crossover star. (What’s in the murse, by the way, are XL condoms, a copy of Leo Tolstoy’s War and Peace, seven almonds, and a vegan smoothie in a mason jar. Sure…) After a pep talk from Michael, Rogelio won’t be defeated and plans to rebound from all this.
Jane has graced the screen with a number of cute, sweet dresses, and she does so again here as she tries to win over and pin down the right preschool for Mateo. The problem is that her vision of the right school and Rafael’s is different, and Rafael is willing to fight her on that because, he tells her, “I’m finally over you… It actually feels good, really good because it took so long… and it kind of changed things because the truth is when I was in love with you, I just wanted to please you. I would wake up every morning and think ‘What would Jane want?’ ‘What would make Jane happy?’ ‘What would make Jane smile?’ And now, I’m kind of like ‘So what if Jane’s upset?’ No offense.” The first school is a little too religious for Rafael, the second is a little too elitist for Jane, and the last is a little too “hippie-dippie” for both, but they end up going with that last school because they have a knack for conflict resolution — and are accepting of and willing to work through Mateo’s biting phase.
Jane and Michael haven’t had much time to be newlyweds, so Michael surprises Jane with a mini honeymoon in their room since they didn’t get to go to Puerto Rico as planned. The room is made to appear like a sort of cruise — compliments of Rogelio and his telenovela crew — and Michael fits right in with a Hawaiian shirt, margarita, and killer playlist. “Now I’m thinking the most romantic thing for you might be to listen to my playlist while doing some research on why kids bite,” Michael says, after overhearing Jane tell Xo and Alba that they need to stop fighting (they’re fighting because Xo finally told Alba about the abortion she had, and Alba is VERY upset) in front of Mateo because he’s going through a tantrum and biting phase and she doesn’t want to egg on his aggression.
Their mini honeymoon ends with the pair making up after arguing about whether Michael would return to the force — Jane says she’ll support him if that’s what he really wants to do, which he does — and with them really wanting to take another step in their relationship. “God, this would be a great moment to have sex,” Jane announces, when Michael says they’ll work through their fears about the shooting together. “At this point, it just seems like a big, cosmic joke,” he responds.
NEXT: Flashback to Anezka’s hunting wear[pagebreak]
Earlier in the episode, it’s revealed that Anezka — still very much looking the part of Petra in pretty pastels and light, breezy fabrics — and Magda are looking for dirt on Rafael to blackmail him for money. Anezka goes snooping through Rafael’s computer; Scott walks in and is very suspicious. She gets out of it by asking herself “What Would Petra Do?” (WWPD), so she sleeps with Scott to keep him quiet.
As it turns out, Anezka actually really likes Scott, so when Rafael pops in later to see why she’s been acting so weird, she has the perfect out. “Anezka remembered Magda’s words, ‘Chase two rabbits you don’t catch either, but then she remembered that one time she did,’” the narrator says, and then Anezka-as-Petra tells Rafael that she’s sleeping with Scott and she’s been acting weird because she didn’t want to tell him. As the narrator explains the rabbit bit, a photo of Anezka as Anezka in winter clothes with two rabbits in hand and a huge grin comes up. It’s great because it offers some insight into her home life and what sort of things she likes to do.
But back to the whole Rafael blackmail thing, Anezka tells Scott that she was snooping that day he caught her, which he figured. He tells her that he has dirt on everyone, including Rafael, and that they should take him down together. Dun, dun, dunnn!!!
Rogelio didn’t get the part he and Esteban were competing for, but Xo assures him, “Your crossover moment will come and you won’t have to change yourself to get it.” So he decides to make the most of his telenovela fame while filming the judging of a Statue of Liberty poem competition. In the scene, Rogelio who is dressed in a period-appropriate suit with his signature purple details, defends Emma Lazarus’ poem, saying that it captures America’s cultural diversity. “Suddenly Emma Lazarus went from inspiring a country to inspiring a widely inaccurate telenovela to inspiring the star of that widely inaccurate telenovela,” the narrator says. He stands up, with a painting of the Statue of Liberty perfectly placed behind him and patriotic-sounding music elevating his sudden burst of inspiration, and announces that he doesn’t need to fit into any U.S. media norms; instead, he’s going to bring his telenovelas and the unique talents he has to offer to the states. Here, Rogelio embraces his show and the costume that comes with it.
Last thing, the episode ends with a doctor clearing Michael for normal activities — including sex. We know Jane is going to lose her virginity this season, per show creator Jennie Snyder Urman, but will next week be it, or will the cosmic jokes continue on?