If there’s one thing Jane tThe Virgin viewers have learned by now it’s that Rogelio isn’t good at dispensing advice. He’s good with one-liners and on-screen kisses — not at playing Dr. Phil. That fact is totally lost on Michael this episode, who learned a little too late that taking Rogelio’s advice is kind of like shooting yourself in the foot. But let’s rewind a bit, shall we?
The episode opens with Rafael and Petra at the doctor’s office. Why? ‘Cause Rafael doesn’t believe Petra is really pregnant — he needs to get the test results in hand, from his own M.D. But, oh baby: Petra is definitely pregnant, and Rafael is definitely the daddy. Oops. “What were you thinking?” asks Rafael, looking super handsome and incredibly pained. Petra tells him she thought he might be in love with her, explaining “So I just did it.”
Coming off the heels of this revelation, Rafael is distracted as Jane busily plans Mateo’s baptism. In fact, he’s so distracted/confused/hurt/blindsided that he doesn’t remember that he asked Michael to be the baby’s godfather. However, Michael is totally into the idea, which is why he stops by Jane’s house later that day. Rogelio answers the door, and Rogelio drops a bomb, telling Michael that Jane likes him in super-masculine mode. What does that even mean? It means that Michael should act kind of aloof and cool, although Michael also takes it upon himself to speak at a slightly lower pitch throughout the episode. Okay then.
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Jane is completely oblivious to this little bromantic scene because she’s just received an acceptance letter to grad school. Now, anyone who’s received an acceptance letter of any sort — or even those Bed Bath & Beyond 20 percent off coupons — can identify with Jane in this scene, straight down to her adorable-but-kind-of-dorky happy dance.
It might be because her own happiness has heightened her awareness of everything going on around her, or maybe it’s her own all-around awesomeness, but in the next scene when she and Rafael are in the parking lot, she notices he’s acting weird. Come on, ‘fess up, Rafael. “It can’t be as weird as the stuff I’m coming up with in my head right now,” says Jane, happily ignorant as to the crazy news she’s about to hear.
NEXT: Our girl who’s still the v-word drops the f-word[pagebreak]
So maybe we don’t know if she really cursed since the church bells drowned her out, but Jane is definitely, deservedly in disbelief at the news. Back at home, Xo and Alba are in shock, too. It’s the stuff of telenovelas! But since this is an actual telenovela, the sad news is interrupted by some crazy news when Jane gets a call from her grad school administrator, who lets her know she needs to earn some summer school credits if she wants to enroll in the program full time in the fall. What’s a girl to do? Study literature or attend Mommy & Me classes? Jane is feeling conflicted — as any good mother would be — which is why Xo steps in, reminding Jane of her promise to not let parenting get in the way of her professional goals.
Meanwhile, Rogelio is in executive producer mode, and is pitching his fellow EP (welcome back, Judy Reyes!) some ideas for “Make Love Week.” How about they get someone like Salma, Penélope or J.Lo to star as his love interest? Judy’s character isn’t interested, so Rogelio pitches younger celebs: “Selena, Demi, Emma Stone. I heard she can play any race!” This zinger — squarely aimed at Stone’s recent turn in Aloha — is probably one of the most timely commentaries we’ve heard on the show this season and a testament to how Rogelio’s character is both incredibly astute while incredibly obtuse. (Seriously, his advice to Michael was completely off the mark!)
But that’s not what Rogelio’s EP was thinking. How about his ex as a guest star? Rogelio’s enraged at the pitch, but Xo sees it as a great time for him to start tackling his relationship baggage. She convinces him to dive right in — literally speaking, since he has a storage locker devoted to memorabilia from their relationship, including a post-breakup diary with gems like “When you left me, I felt like a tiny kitten without its fur” — and eventually he feels up to the challenge of having Luciana join him on the sound stage. When Luciana appears on set, you can see why their breakup might have left Rogelio in itsy-bitsy pieces. Played by real-life telenovela star Kate del Castillo, Luciana is sexy, fierce, bold, and (did I mention?) really sexy. Her chemistry with Rogelio is the stuff of ratings gold and is just a bit too convincing for Xo’s taste. She storms off the Passions of Santos set, and in an ensuing scene, Rogelio admits to feeling a lil somethin’ somethin’ for his ex. “But let’s be real. I would have chemistry with a box.” It’s nothing that’s worth putting the breaks on his relationship with Xo for, so he decides to “fire” Luciana. That is, until she blackmails him with some mysterious footage. Is it a sex tape? Could it be photos of Rogelio sporting a bald spot or — gasp! — pale skin?
Back at Casa Villanueva, Jane decides that she’s going to try to tackle mommyhood AND grad school by taking baby Mateo with her to summer school. In theory, it sounds like a good idea. In reality, though, Mateo — who’s normally a quiet, sweet little baby — starts sobbing during Jane’s world lit class, and in short order, his stroller goes down the classroom stairs and straight towards the professor in what’s surely the stuff of many mommy nightmares. The grad school admin tells Jane that bringing Mateo to school simply won’t work. “You can always reapply next year,” he says. “There are other students who’d love to take your spot.”
This sets off a significant dilemma for Jane and one I suspect will be a recurring theme this season. Can Jane do it all? Can she be a great mom and continue to chase her dreams? It might not be easy, affordable, or even practical, but she’s determined to do it and leaves the admin several long-winded voicemails telling him as much.
NEXT: A Swiss winemaker gives Michael a major clue[pagebreak]
But there’s other things on Jane’s plate, namely the matter of Petra’s pregnancy. How much should Jane be involved? Does she put her emotional needs first? Should she consider Mateo, who will be a step-sibling to Petra’s baby? Oy vey.
However, Jane can’t spend too much time thinking about Petra’s pregnancy, especially with baby Mateo’s baptism at hand. Everything during the event goes super smoothly, but there is one person missing: Luisa. Rafael calls her from the church and says he’s “bummed” she missed the baptism. Little does he know, Luisa is being held in a tiny prison cell by her bald-headed German kidnapper. Though she once suspected someone “psychotic and caring” of masterminding her kidnapping — i.e. Rose — she soon suspects otherwise. But who could it be???
Throughout all of this, Michael continues to be diligent, loving and caring — just not around Jane. He’s acting decidedly aloof whenever Jane tries to confide in him about her grad school dilemma and problems with Petra, a fact that she brings up to Rogelio. When she finds out about plan “Macho Macho Man,” she’s less than pleased.
“Did you really think I would respond to that kind of thing? Being distant and kind of a jerk on purpose?” she asks Michael. Ouch. On hearing this, though, Michael cuts her off and shares with her a diary containing his thoughts on all the drama that’s transpired over the past few days. After all, he’s fluent in “Sad Jane.” His advice regarding Petra’s pregnancy is for Jane to “embrace it.” Okay, everybody, say it with me: Awwww.
There’s no shortage of good vibes during the episode’s final moments, when Jane gets the news that she’s secured her spot in the grad school program. She shares the announcement with Rafael, who, on the heels of gaining Jane’s support of co-parenting with Petra, sweeps her into his arms for an all-consuming, super-sweet kiss. Swoon.
It’s a picture-perfect moment, something that’s not entirely lost on Petra, who walks by and snaps a photo with her cell phone. Fodder for some future blackmail or troublemaking, no doubt. As we’ve seen during Jane’s pregnancy, there really is no telling what an expecting woman is capable of.
Burning questions, stray observations, and memorable one-liners:
- Michael’s impressive detective work has lead him to two Swiss vineyard proprietors, who give him his juiciest clue to date concerning our mysterious new villain. “All you need to know is this name, Heidi Von Ochre,” a rosy-cheeked Clothilde tells Michael over the phone. Hmm.
- We found out that Rose isn’t behind Luisa’s kidnapping. But if she isn’t, then who is?
- Place your bets now: Do you think Petra is having a girl or a boy?
- “I’m ready to roll up my sleeves so people can enjoy my strong forearms and REALLY produce.” —Rogelio
- “You’re about to let motherhood hijack your goals!” —Xo