Just in case you thought last week’s episode was over-the-top crazy — you know, with a mysterious new villain, an artificial insemination via turkey baster, and plenty of talk about latching issues – Jane the Virgin kicked things up a notch, and finally addressed an underlying issue that has kept fans in a frenzy ever since the show’s debut. WHO WILL JANE PICK: MICHAEL OR RAFAEL? I know you’re dying to know what happened, so let’s jump into it, shall we?
“Chapter 24” opened with a sweet flashback to a camping trip during the early days of Jane and Michael’s relationship. We’ve seen quite a few moments like this during the show, and while they’re super strong on the “aw” factor, flashbacks to the early days of Jane and Michael’s relationship is a reminder that Michael knows Jane: her fears, desires, weaknesses, and joys. Jane hasn’t forgotten about those early days and in fact, those memories are dearer to her than ever, especially since Michael seems to magically know what she needs and wants, like a new security system and Starbucks on the daily. Seriously, if a guy showed up at my house with freshly brewed French roast like Michael does, he’d have my heart forever.
…But then, there’s Rafael. He’s her baby daddy, has impressive biceps, and he has a hotel fortune at his disposal. Can somebody say Target shopping sprees?! With both Michael and Rafael racing neck and neck for Jane’s attention, it’s like, as Xo points out “an episode of The Bachelorette out there.” The tension is even more apparent when Jane heads out to lunch with both of the boys — you know, because she can’t choose between them — which sets the scene for an appearance by Bachelorette Jane, her imaginary alter ego who wears head-to-toe sequins, chugs champagne, and says things like “It’s time to make a decision, cause that situation is a powder keg.”
Even so, Jane has other things on her mind, like the fact that she keeps seeing Rose pop up in weird places, like in the restaurant bathroom and at neighboring tables. Between her Rose apparitions and taking care of baby Mateo at the restaurant, Jane’s no closer to making a decision. Maybe some R&R at home can help? Er, no. Her next-door neighbor — hello, Kesha! — is making a hell of a lot of noise playing with her band next door. And it goes without saying that Kesha has no intention of ending her jam session, cause “noise ordinances say we don’t have to stop until 11.”
Then, all of the sudden, Team Michael has the advantage. Michael is over at the house (as per the usual) and looks super cute cuddling baby Mateo. Remember how he broke up with Jane over the whole “I can’t be a dad to another man’s kid” thing? Well, he’s definitely over it. “It’s not some theoretical baby any more,” he tells Jane in response to her question about whether he can take on parenthood. “It’s Mateo. So yeah, I’m in.” And that’s about where I melted. Men + babies = I can’t deal. The time is right for a smooch — and Jane is seriously feeling it, you can tell — but she pulls back because she wants to have her “one on one with Rafael.” But seriously, why bother? In the words of Bachelorette Jane, “Give him the rose!”
NEXT: Is a rose ceremony in the cards for Jane?[pagebreak]
While Jane and Michael are almost-kissing-but-not-really, Rafael is at the hotel, where Luisa tips him off to the fact that Petra is possibly pregnant. After all, why else would she be avoiding soft cheese and alcohol? Rafael’s response to Luisa’s question about the father’s identity is pretty hilarious. “I feel sorry for that poor sucker.”
The prospect that Petra might finally get over her fixation with him thanks to the distractions caused by pregnancy helps put Rafael in a pretty good mood. In fact, he’s practically skipping when he stops by Jane’s house to go on a walk with her and Mateo. Aside from a moment when Jane steals Kesha’s amplifier, these three look and act like a perfectly happy family. Jane is aware of it too, which is why later that night when they’re in the car (car rides = sleeping babies) she takes a second to get serious. “What do you really want?” she asks Rafael. His response is textbook perfect. “Seriously? You want to know what I want? I want this. To just be a regular Thursday instead of the first time all week I’ve been truly happy. I love you, Jane. I never stopped loving you.” O-M-G. In the words of Bachelorette Jane, why can’t she just “marry him and have sex with him forever and ever?”
This episode isn’t all about roses and champagne and romance over waffle fries, though. When Jane heads back home to her house the next day after having spent a night (sans nookie!) at Rafael’s place, she’s perturbed at the sight of a cop car parked outside. The police are there to follow up on the matter of Kesha’s stolen amp and would like to see abuela’s ID. Uh oh! Luckily, nothing ensues from this situation except a big scare, which makes abuela decide she’ll finally apply for her green card. You go, granny!
While abuela is ready to move on with her life, her granddaughter is still struggling to make a decision. Seriously, what is a girl to do when she’s in love with two men? Which, by the way, she mistakenly admits in front of the them when Rafael confronts Michael super-upset about the security system. Methinks that may not have been Jane’s best move to date.
Still, Michael does feel somewhat guilty — maybe he is, as Rafael said during their argument, slightly to blame for Mateo’s kidnapping. “I am why she took him,” Michael says of Rose. “She knew I’d do anything to get him back.” Not quite, says Jane. “By that logic, it’s my fault too. I’m the reason Rose knew how you felt about me.” Wait, what?
NEXT: A major clue, revealed [pagebreak]
This is where Jane’s trademark flashback sequences come in handy. It turns out that Jane first met Rose at the hotel when the latter stood up for her when a cranky, wine-obsessed customer was complaining about corked wine. One thing let to another, and Jane found herself telling Rose errrything about her complex relationship with Michael. Jane recounts this to Michael, who has a flash-of-brilliance moment. Could that wine bottle be the key to figuring out Rose’s current whereabouts? Michael takes Jane to the hotel wine cellar, where she IDs a bottle of Swiss wine whose grapes Rose claimed to have had in Switzerland. There’s just one wrinkle: According to her passport, Rose has never been to Switzerland – at least not as Rose Solano. And there’s another detail: The wintry landscape pictured on the wine bottle looks exactly like the setting where we were introduced to that new, mysterious villain.
“Finally, we have a place to start looking,” says Michael, all earnest and cop-like. All this crime-solving closeness with Michael makes Jane feel sorry about saying “I love you” to both guys, so she apologizes. “I’m not worried about it. Who knows you better, me or Rafael?” asks Michael. “So I know you’re not really in love with him. You’re just in love with the idea of family.” Is he right? Hmm.
While all this drama is unfolding on land, Xo and Rogelio are on a Cuba-bound cruise ship, where they contractually obligated to perform in order to make up for having backed out of their Vegas appearance. For the record, their performance doesn’t gain nearly as much as interest as the chocolate fountain, but it does help these two realize that they want to be together. They agree to get an annulment — since Rogelio has unresolved issues regarding cheating, thanks to his ex-wife Luciana — and decide to take things slow.
Back in Miami, Rafael takes a call at the office. It’s from the fertility clinic, letting him know that his storage fee payments are no longer necessary since Petra took the final sperm sample. Rafael’s reaction is of simultaneously shock and rage. And since Petra is definitely pregnant, Rafael is, as the narrator puts it, one “poor sucker.”
Burning questions, stray observations, and memorable one-liners:
- Poor Luisa! Just when things were looking up for her, she was knocked out cold by our mysterious villain’s bald-headed sidekick. Why her? And is her kidnapping part of a bigger play for Jane?
- We saw Lachlan’s return this episode with a plan to build a high-rise hotel that will block the Marbella’s ocean views. Is he somehow connected to the mysterious Swiss villain? (Seriously, this woman needs to be ID’d stat. I’m tired of typing “mysterious villain.”)
- Be honest: Were you wowed by Kesha’s role as the show’s resident head banger?
- Super random, but who else is excited to see Petra trade in her body-con clothing for maternity wear? Methinks she won’t be shopping at Tarjay…
- Oh, Rogelio, you never disappoint. “It feels so good to be back here. And by here I don’t mean this closet of a room. I mean here, naked, in bed with you.” Also, this line: “I tend to react very emotionally. It’s one of my greatest strengths and what makes me such a compelling actor.”
- And how about this gem from abuela? “Yo soy vieja pero no ciega.” Translated from Spanish, it means “I might be old, but I’m not blind,” a hilarious line I’ve heard my coquettish grandmother say many, many times. Could this possibly be the set up for abuela to get a love interest sometime this season?