“Let’s have sex.”
Thanks to the promos, we knew Jane was determined to lose her virginity to fiance Michael—and she nearly went through with it during the episode. But it wouldn’t be laugh-out-loud worthy if there weren’t a few bumps—no, not that kind—along the way. This week, Jane found herself feeling a certain kind of way for her baby daddy, Raf, while Michael got deeper in cahoots with Petra. Zaz’s murder triggered new suspicions in Raf about his wife and, in what seems to be the only thing that remains constant week to week, Luisa got the most action by getting all hot and sweaty with her stepmom (I felt gross typing that). Rogelio—Jane’s soap star dad—continued to hook up with Xio and finally got the chance to meet his daughter, though not under ideal circumstances. Lots happened this week, so make a grilled cheese (with an extra slice of cheddar in commemoration of a bonkers episode) and settle in.
Jane’s hilarious journey in losing her precious flower began with a flashback to childhood, when she caught a firefly and made two wishes. 1) That she would grow boobs and 2) That someone would want to touch them. At 16, she had boobs and someone almost wanted to touch them—that is, until Jane confessed to her teen boyfriend she was “saving herself for marriage.”
In any other show about a virgin, this might be the preachy plotpoint, but in Jane, it’s a teachable moment, made snack-size: Jane learns the importance of telling the truth, because as abuelita tells her, little lies can spiral into “BIG BALLS OF EVIL.” Ah, yes, Hispanic parenting at its best—there’s nothing quite as scary as the fear of God drilled into you at a young age. As it turns out, twentysomething Jane decides not to wait much longer. She has a man and she’s already pregnant, so why wait any longer to do the deed?
You can literally hear the angels singing when Michael hears the news. But Jane’s not going to start humping in the backseat of the car—though for the record, Michael has no problem with that—and promptly begins to plan the perfect night of romance at a suite at the hotel where she works. It will be perfect—until it’s not, because throughout this episode Jane finds herself really into Raf (is it written somewhere that it’s true love if you find yourself with sweaty palms?), most notably at the start of the show, where she bumps into him right near the scene of Zaz’s murder. I mean, can you imagine a more romantic setting? But no mind: She’s a gal on a mission and during a scene where she’s about to check out her potential love nest (a hotel suite: how fancy!), she spies Petra popping a pill just as Michael finds her and the two head into an elevator together.
It’s exactly what you think: Michael is trying to fan any suspicion away from Petra (it’s in his interest for Petra and Raf to stay together, after all), but Petra isn’t helping matters by having left a necklace at the crime scene. She also has a half-baked alibi about being in her hotel suite when Zaz was impaled. Jane, of course, has no knowledge of any of this—when she confronts Michael and Petra, they say they’re convening to chat hotel security—and arranges to meet with Petra later in the day, where they’ll meet over coffee for a bit of a bonding session. Petra’s pill popping though, disturbs Jane and with that in mind, Jane snoops around in Petra and Raf’s suite to see exactly what kind of drugs Petra is addicted to.
But seriously though: Petra is one of the best liars on TV. She sneaks up on Jane but then sets her at ease, telling her she took a Xanax, her third in two years. They’re strictly reserved for high-anxiety situations—like when Raf was diagnosed with cancer or when he underwent surgery—she tells Jane. And she’s smart: right after dropping this bomb (do we believe her?), she shows Jane the nursery she’s decorated for the baby. Talk about some exquisite emotional blackmail! And of course, nothing smoothes over the awkwardness like a really, really nice gift, so Petra gives Jane the key to a swanky suite for the evening. So with her doubts about Michael and Petra pushed aside, Jane can focus on the task ahead: losing her virginity. That is, right after she goes to church with abuelita.
NEXT: Will Jane do the dirty?