How to make the show even better
Dear ”Sopranos” creator David Chase,
Don’t get us wrong. We LOVE your show…. We just think that even something this great could be better. We’re optimistic like that. Here are five little suggestions.
1. Don’t whack the interesting people before we get to know them. How can you knock off Lorraine, Lady Shylock — the only female capo we’ve ever seen — before we’ve had a chance to truly experience her delicious malevolence? Lorraine, we hardly knew ye.
2. Use guest stars judiciously. Steve Buscemi? Brilliant! Patti D’Arbanville? See suggestion No. 1. Frankie Valli? Well, um, if you say so. David Lee Roth? What is this, ”The Love Boat”? Getting genuine name talent who don’t get as much work as they should is a fantastic idea. Try phoning Kevin Spacey — his choices haven’t been that great lately. But can it already with the kitsch factor.
3. Get Carmela a kick-ass divorce attorney. We’re tired of seeing her diminished. She needs a shark in her corner who understands the ways of the Family — not some punk in pinstripes who thinks Luchese is a kind of pasta. We want showdowns with Tony and we want them smart.
4. And while you’re at it, get her a boyfriend. Enough with the timid flirtations, aborted crushes, the almost-encounters. Bottom line: Poor Carm needs her some lovin’. David Strathairn is a little too milquetoast, but he’s got potential — as rebound guy.
5. We think you’re headed in this direction, and we support it: Make Johnny Sack the bane of Tony’s existence. Let him muscle in on T’s action, get support from Feech through the prison network, whatever. Make it an all-out war not seen since Michael Corleone whacked the heads of the Five Families. You’re going out next season anyway, right? RIGHT? Go big.
To conclude, here’s an offer you can’t refuse: We give up ”Alias” and ”Law & Order: Criminal Intent” for you. You make a few changes for us, and everybody’s happy. Throw in sending A.J. to boarding school, and we’ll be fans for life. Deal?