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House recap: Soap Bauble

Thinking his favorite daytime actor is sick, House kidnaps and drugs him; plus, the drama with Cameron continues, and Amber shows her soft side

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There was so much to love about tonight’s episode, but I’ll start with the song that played during the ”let’s run more tests/’cause we don’t know what’s wrong with the patient/he’s gonna die if we don’t figure it out fast” montage right before the big reveal. It was Beta Band’s sweet ode to drug use, ”Needles in My Eyes,” from the album Three EPs, which I am still humming as I crank out another House TV Watch.

So House kidnapped his General Hospital-ish soap-opera obsession and man crush, Dr. Brock Sterling, played by Jason Lewis, who is totally lust worthy, as we knew already from seeing him naked as Samantha’s boy wonder on Sex in the City.

It was hilarious to witness House pine while watching his favorite daytime drama, chilling out with his feet up in the doctors’ lounge and smiling like a gleeful idiot as he puzzled out plot twists. My favorite prime-time doc drama similarly fills me with joy when I can’t quite sort out the mystery till the very end, the same thing that kept me glued to Scooby-Doo as a kid.

It turned out that our biggest clue was in the first scene, when soap doc sipped from a prop cocktail filled with water and tonic (which contains quinine, the substance that caused the dreadful and near-deadly allergic reactions). That drunkypants maneuver was also a meta nod to House’s Vicodin habit. I don’t remember an obvious cold open that foreshadowed the case-solving moment of the show before, but that made it that much more fun when the solution was revealed.

Tonight’s dose of Housian philosophy came during a bedside moment. The soap actor was lamenting his career choice and how it was emotionally bankrupting him, saying that he just wanted to do something that mattered. House retorted, ”Nothing matters. We’re all just cockroaches, wildebeests dying on the riverbank. Nothing we do has any lasting meaning.” When Dr. Goodlooking asked House if he was afraid to change, House responded, ”No, you’re afraid to change. You’d rather imagine that you can escape instead of actually try. ‘Cause if you fail, then you’ve got nothing. And you give up the chance for something real so that you can hold onto hope. And hope is for sissies.” Oh, sniff. House, we know you are projecting your feelings onto another human being.

NEXT: Getting aroused