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'The Hills' season premiere recap: Friend triangle

On the season premiere, as Lauren rekindles a relationship with a ‘Laguna Beach’-era boyfriend, she’s still trying to make her roommates play nice

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Lauren Conrad
The Hills: Sheryl Nields

The Hills

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
runtime:
225 minutes
performer:
Lauren Conrad
distributor:
Paramount Home Video
genre:
Reality TV

‘The Hills’ season premiere recap: Friend triangle

The Hills is back, y’all! Er, I’m sorry, about 5 minutes of The Hills was back last night, as the other 25 were filled with commercials. What was up with that? Every time I thought we were returning to our show, another one of those dang Taco Bell commercials where the dudes rap at the drive-through came back on! Granted those guys have more vocal talent than Heidi ever will, but that’s a whole other kind of commentary, right?

On to more important subjects, like Lauren’s love life. Raise your hand if you weren’t already aware that Doug Reinhardt, Lauren’s former high school flame (uh, yeah, how come that wasn’t shown on Laguna Beach?), was going to re-enter her orbit this season? If you are raising your hand, then shame on you! How could you not keep up with all of the Hills gossip during its hiatus? Your punishment is to use the word ”like” at least 20 times in one sentence, and then watch this video of Doug explaining how he met Lauren so you can catch up. (Please, though, disregard the spoilers about how he also went on a ”date” with Stephanie Pratt, as we will definitely discuss that later on down this TV Watch road.)

Last night’s episode began at People’s Revolution, where Lauren gushed to Whitney about her upcoming date with Doug. ”Doug is such a good name,” Whitney said, and I laughed because it’s such a girl thing to comment on the quality of boy’s name. Lauren noted that the last guy she had gone on more than one date with was Brody, and then she and Whitney exchanged giddy smiles. See, the statuesque blonde could totally pull off her own spin-off — she knows exactly how to express emotions by only using her eyes.

Cut to Lauren and Doug’s dream date at the Red Pearl Kitchen. The duo had literally just sat down and ordered drinks, and Doug said, ”You still look gorgeous. Can we do this again sometime?” I mean, if that’s what ordering a Fuzzy Dragon gets you, then sign me up for the Lauren Conrad School of Dating. We didn’t get to see much else of this first date (er, not sure what it is called if they’d gone out before — a re-first date?) other than Lauren inviting her new beau over to the château for Audrina’s birthday party. ”Is she a good friend of yours?” he asked, and she replied, ”Yeah, she’s one of my best friends.” Uh, how would you not have already known that, Doug? Have you not been introduced to the concept of Google yet? If not, then please do us all a favor and go search for the words ”Lauren” and ”sex tape” right away.

On the other hand, maybe he should refrain from digging up Lauren’s past, because it seems that she may have finally moved on from the drama surrounding that rumored sex tape. Instead, she’s jumped right into a different body of troubled water: her living situation. Let’s face it: Her roomies, Audrina and Lo, are like oil and water, navy blue and black, heck, even Brenda and Kelly. They are just not meant to go together. ”Lo’s always super bitchy, that’s just how she is,” Audrina said to her coworker Chiara after discussing whether or not Lo was involved in the planning of her birthday. Cut to the scene later on right before Lauren left for her date. She said somewhat enthusiastically (or was it sarcastically?) to Lo, ”I think you and Audrina should have fun tonight,” and Lo just rolled her eyes and responded with ”Yeah, well…”

Lo continued giving apathetic attitude toward Audrina all throughout the pool party. Even when Lauren insisted that Lo be friendly, she wouldn’t budge, preferring to play with the dog rather than socialize with the crowd Audrina had invited (zoom in on the guy with the hot pink mohawk who was being thrown into the pool — leather jacket and all). ”This is a disaster,” Lauren confessed to good ol’ Frankie about the turmoil. ”Maybe they shouldn’t be friends,” he said, and I agree. I know I stated my opinion about this during last season’s finale, but really, what is with this forcing-roommates-to-be-besties business? I get that Lauren wants three’s company instead of three’s a crowd, but hey, if that won’t work, then there’s no use in forcing it.

NEXT: The peace conference

Still, Lo, in a last-ditch effort, crossed over to enemy territory and confronted Audrina about their friendship (or lack thereof). After each girl tried to explain herself, and Lo pretty much cut Audrina off at least three times, Lo said, ”There’s a strong part of me that really wants to be friends with you, and I think that Lauren wants you guys’ relationship to, like, get better….I feel like we’re really making an effort, and if you don’t want to like put as much back…” ”It’s like I don’t care, we’ll never be friends,” Audrina interjected. Wow, where did this Audrina come from? Usually she’s a doormat who prefers to stare into space instead of voicing her opinion. I can’t decide which version I like better — the flighty one is certainly easier to make fun of, but I do appreciate that she finally stood up for herself. On the flip side, I also (don’t throw rocks at me!) can see where Lo is coming from. Why should she and Lauren continually have to go out of their way to make sure Audrina is included if Audrina won’t even give Lo the time of day anymore? I’ve been the Lauren in this kind of triangle before in my life, and no, it’s not an easy place to be, but sometimes you have to step back and just realize that not all of your friends are always going to form one big happy family.

Speaking of one big happy family, I’ve entirely ignored the Speidi clan thus far. That’s probably because I don’t have a whole lot to say about their shenanigans in last night’s episode. I can sum it up for you all pretty easily: Heidi traipsed into work, face painted with makeup, and told her go-to coworker, Kimberly, that her sister Holly was coming to town, but — oh no! — Spencer wasn’t previously informed about it. Heidi then ”rushed” home to find that Holly was already in the house, much to the inevitable dismay of Beavis, who looked as if he hadn’t moved from the couch the entire day. Arguments ensued over nothing (”We’re just trying to put things back together,” Spencer whined to his girlfriend about Holly’s two-day stay); Heidi took Holly for an ”L.A. makeover” — which oddly didn’t include a nose job or implants; guess that’s only for visitors who stay more than just a weekend — and then the sister headed back home. The end. Well, not exactly. The point of all of this, as we all know now from the previews at the end of the show, was to introduce Holly to viewers because she’s going to be moving to the City of Angels sometime later this season. Dun dun dun.

With that, I leave the rest to up to you, TV Watchers. Tell me: What did you think of Hills newbies Holly and Doug? Which side of the Audrina vs. Lo fight are you on? And how many days do you think it will be before Kitson creates ”Team Audrina” and ”Team Lo” T-shirts? (My guess: one week.) Go at it below!