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''The Hills'': The devil's intern

On ”The Hills,” a work rival from hell is flown out from New York just to torture Lauren; plus — aieee! — Heidi gives Spencer another chance

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The Hills, Lauren Conrad
The Hills: Sheryl Nields

The Hills

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
In Season
runtime:
225 minutes
performer:
Lauren Conrad
distributor:
Paramount Home Video
genre:
Reality TV

”The Hills”: The devil’s intern

It’s amazing how much this show has become more about Heidi than about Lauren. I think that’s because 80 percent of the time, Lauren really doesn’t do anything exciting except be sweet-talked by Brody Jenner and be put in ridiculous situations by her Teen Vogue boss, Lisa Love. First they assign her to assist some crazy swimsuit designer, Ashley Paige (remember how Lauren had the wonderful job of decorating a parasol, of all things?). And in this episode, they flew out a Teen Vogue intern from New York City to torture her — er, I mean help her set up a dinner party in L.A. for only 20 people. Was it really necessary for this girl to fly 3000 miles just to pick out the right flowers for an intimate dinner party? Or did the MTV producers hire an actress to play Super Intern for the sole purpose of humiliating Lauren even more than she already has been?

As if the entire dinner-party planning didn’t already feel very Devil Wears Prada, how weird was it that Super Intern shared the same name as Miranda Priestley’s patronizing assistant, Emily? At least Lauren eventually got her Andy Sachs redemption-like moment at the end of the episode when Lisa said that there were too many flowers on the table (which is what Lauren had whispered to Whitney but didn’t feel brave enough to speak up about).

Another person who needs to be brave on this show: Heidi. For the love of God, what is it going to take for her to realize that Spencer is a no-good, lying jerk? I mean is he going to have to put out a sex tape with Paris Hilton? Or maybe he should go to Vegas and get married to Britney Spears. Will Heidi ever get rid of the little love clouds she has in her head and see everything clearly?

Even if Spencer didn’t totally look and talk like Crush, the laid-back turtle from Finding Nemo, I wouldn’t be able to stand him, because it just seems like everything that comes out of his mouth is complete bull. When he said to Heidi, ”It’s not like I hooked up with any of the girls; I didn’t kiss any of those Playmates,” I wanted to jump into my TV set and play back last week’s episode of The Hills for Heidi right then. Sure he may not have kissed any of those girls, but he was all about having a so-called ”naked picnic” with one of them. So basically, in Spencer’s world, the intention of cheating and actually cheating are completely separate. How convenient! Furthermore, what is with him bringing Audrina roses the very same night he hooked up with Heidi? That does not a boyfriend make, Spence man.

I also find it frustrating that one minute Heidi is proclaiming, ”I wouldn’t give up my singleness now for anything,” and, ”The thought of love right now makes me want to throw up.” Then the next she’s telling her co-worker, Elodie, ”You don’t choose who you love. I really do miss him.” Guess I never realized love was about Playmates, lies, and gelled hair.

Till next week (when your usual TV Watcher, Jennifer Armstrong, will be back), talk to us! Are you all as annoyed with Spencer as I am? Who else does he remind you of besides Crush the turtle? What kind of humiliation will Lisa Love make Lauren suffer next? (How much of a slap in the face was it that Emily got to stay for the dinner and not Lauren and Whitney?) Finally, why does Heidi need both a Blackberry and a Sidekick?