Good evening, my little fruit salads, and welcome to the continuation of Hell’s Kitchen. I turned last night’s ep on after the conclusion of the 2008 NBA finals, knowing full well that there was no way HK could match the ecstasy I felt watching Kevin Garnett win his first championship (”Top of the world, ma!”) but that it continues to be my duty to bring you all the borderline-competent cooking action, so here we go.
We opened last night to Christina dealing with the ramifications of last week’s elimination. ”The idea of being stuck here with Jen is not a pleasant one,” she told the camera, after she fingered Jen for elimination, only to have GR boot Bobby instead. The BBJ seemed to go through something of a change of heart. ”I appreciate your honesty up there,” she told Christina. ”You are totally entitled to how you want to feel.” But no one was really fooled, especially not Corey, and certainly not me. BBJ is welcome to repeat her mantra of ”Everyone is just threatened by me” all she wants, but I’m pretty sure she’s just not as good a cook as she thinks she is. (I cannot speak to her fashion sense, though I’m sure she’d like to, if given the chance.)
The next morning was challenge time, and the cheflings filed downstairs for what Ramsay announced would be the ”mother” of all challenges. Oh ho, I get it! It’s gonna be pregnant ladies! (Yeah, okay, so my DVR info box tipped me off, whatever.) But the cheflings had no idea who was coming to lunch — ”Oh! 50 Cent!” prayed Jen hopefully — and so they set about cooking 80 portions of something in an hour. Christina went with an ”island turkey sandwich” with a side of curried avocado (why you wanna be messing with perfectly good avocado?), Corey with a salmon BLT. Petrozza opted for a Monte Cristo — or as Jen called it, ”a heart attack dipped in a stroke with a side of cardiac arrest” — and BBJ made a ”calypso grouper.” It was all I could do not to start singing the ”Banana Boat Song,” but then Ramsay did it for me. (”You banana” — better or worse insult than ”you donkey”? Discuss!)
NEXT: Eating for two