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Hell's Kitchen recap: Rage Against the Cuisine

Two cooks get the boot, but not the one whose fish Chef Ramsay compares to ‘Ghandi’s flip-flop’

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Hells Kitchen Ramsay
Patrick Wymore/Fox

Hell's Kitchen

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I love how one internet TV listing I found for this episode included the sentence, “A contestant infuriates Chef Ramsay.” We’ve never seen that one before. I’m excited!

The first challenge: Cook for 50 EMTs, some of whom had raided the contestants in their sleep to record their blood pressure so that Gordon Ramsay could triumphantly announce that “physically there’s nothing wrong with you. It means there’s a mental block.” So unnecessary! So awesome. Breakfast was either an egg-white omelet or scrambled eggs (“an amazing breakfast!” chirped Ramsay in his cheer-squad voice) and of course no one could get it right. They can’t cook eggs?! At this point the next challenge should be “go home and serve your kids a PB&J.” We need to scale it back a little. These people are incompetent!

What can be said about delusional karate enthusiast Raj? Nothing he has ever said or done on Hell’s Kitchen has had anything to do with reality. This week, he tried to clear his head by sticking it in the refrigerator. He accused his teammates of harassment when they weren’t satisfied with his stemware-cleaning. During dinner service, he was EATING ALL THE FOOD. “How could Chef Ramsay blame me for eating this delicious food?” wondered Raj. “It’s fantastic.” He’s just got to be kidding, in general. As Trev pointed out, “You need to work with the tools you are given, and he just happens to be one of those tools.”

The women won the breakfast challenge and got to lunch poolside with Gordon Ramsay in Santa Monica. But first, they had to encase themselves in unwieldy harnesses and swing from a bar. Jillian was excited about trapeze school, probably because her tattooed-on eyebrows would have no chance of blowing right off. If I showed up for that reward to discover no pool/food in sight, I’d have been pissed! But the swanky lunch was worth it. Nona possibly bribed that waiter to spill champagne all over her so Ramsay could lovingly pat her down. Smart woman.

Dinner service was an even bigger disaster than Sabrina’s refusal to participate in prep. It was cocktail night and Trev and Sabrina were in charge, but we didn’t really hear about the cocktails again once we learned that “Trev and Sabrina have finally pleased James in the dining room.” Get out of the frame, James. You are no Jean-Philippe!

Emily couldn’t do anything right and showed a startling tendency to over-salt by ruining Jillian’s pasta. (How is someone allowed on this show who won’t taste her own food because she doesn’t like tomatoes? Is this a rhetorical question?) Jillian, the most intelligent contestant of the season, protested Ramsay’s comment that Melissa’s Dover sole was so overcooked on the bottom that it looked “like Ghandi’s flipflop” by insisting that that couldn’t be true because Ghandi, like, lived in the jungle. “I don’t think the dude even wore shoes.” Does she mean Tarzan? Dear lord.

NEXT: Raj can’t get his food — or his words — right.