Does anyone else feel like we’ve had like six finales for this season already? Or at least two? And we’re still not to the end yet? I’ve liked most of this season just fine, but, jeez.
Okay, fine, so we still have this chief resident business to deal with, and we’ll obviously be doing that this week and next, so let’s get to it. Especially since Cristina told Owen there would be no sex as long as he was determining who’d get the job. You know, so he could remain impartial. The fact that she’s still his wife wouldn’t throw him off or anything.
Because everyone was all about new jobs and life change and stuff, the hot blond doctor — I’ve decided to call her that again, since I’m not convinced she’s sticking around — got a job offer from Baylor, which is in Texas and not Seattle, and therefore not near Alex. We cared for a second until …
OMG the adorable Baby Zola was back on screen and I can never pay attention when I can look at that kid instead. Meredith, however, was having mommy issues, looking uncomfortable while holding the fussy tot. Another lingering African patient, a girl with sickle-cell anemia, was about to go home until her older sister collapsed on the way out the door. It turned out she was eight months pregnant, and things did not look good for her or the fetus.
Meanwhile, Henry and Teddy were jogging together and wearing very sporting, brightly colored workout wear. I was surprised they had attained this level of comfort — morning jogging? — but I guess I’m not entirely clear on how fake marriages for insurance purposes normally progress. They were all buddy-ish, her telling him about Andrew’s offer to take her to Germany with him and picking out girls for Henry. So. We were all headed for Big Life Decisions in the next two episodes, that much was now clear.
As the race for chief resident progressed, April presented Owen with a new checklist approach to keeping patients organized — the same kind of checklist used to prevent plane crashes. While explaining it, she accidentally slipped and said in front of a patient that he needed a bronchoscopy because he might have cancer, which naturally freaked him and his family out. It was not looking good for the checklist system after all.
But we had even scarier problems, like finding out that the African woman’s baby was outside her uterus and tangled in her intestines and looking incredibly gross. Luckily, things turned out better than they looked — mom and baby made it okay, though Alex was worried they wouldn’t get proper follow-up care back home. To that end, Arizona spontaneously suggested he go work in her old clinic there so that he could make sure the woman got the care she needed. Plus, it would be a wonderful experience! Blond Doctor did not look happy about this, despite her Baylor job offer.
In still other baby news — so many babies, this show looked like my Facebook feed full of new mothers! — Callie was magically back at work even though she was recently near death and then delivered a newborn. I guess we should all just be happy this didn’t bring on any more musical episodes. Mark was taking care of Baby Sophia for the day, though he did it hanging around the hospital, conveniently enough. Luckily this meant that both Callie and we got a chance to drool over this other adorable child, which she dubbed a “crack baby.” (Because she’s addicted to her, silly.)
In non-baby news, Jackson mysteriously quit the Chief’s diabetes study and then spent most of the episode acting weird about it (but looking good, as always!). And … holy crap, the guy who needed the bronchoscopy didn’t have cancer, he had a tiny tree growing in his lung! They do love tree-related illness on this show, don’t they? (Remember the tree guy?) Cristina discovered it by breaking protocol and taking the patient instead of calling Teddy, which we had to know was headed nowhere good. First, the patient was mad at April for saying he might have cancer. “You were wrong,” the patient’s son snapped at her. “You’re a bad doctor.” Then Cristina decided she’d remove the tree without Teddy, too. And she tried to get April to do it with her without telling by offering to put in a good word for her with Owen. Sneaky. So she could use her marriage for this, but he was to remain impartial in whether to chose her for chief resident? Confusing emotional system they have here.
Also awkward was the accidental meet-up between the Chief, Henry, Andrew, and Teddy. Henry was asking the Chief to put him on the diabetes trial, though the Chief still had some reservations about his participation. Andrew recognized Henry as “the HL guy with diabetes” — and, poor Henry, nothing more to Teddy. He clearly wanted to be more, and the Chief knew it, so as Andrew and Teddy walked away, he granted Henry a spot on the trial. “You’re going against Andrew Perkins,” he explained. “I have a thing for the underdog.” We should all be so lucky as to have our “underdog” suitor look like Scott Foley. I know Andrew’s a world-renown trauma counselor, but Scott Foley’s eyes are so shiny.
Other relationships were imploding over impending separations, too, as Alex’s nonchalance about Blond Doctor possibly going to Texas and him possibly going to Africa flustered Blond Doctor. Alex said he’d stick around town if he got chief resident, though that didn’t say much about his feelings for her. When he complained to Cristina that “chicks suck,” she explained that he hadn’t been sensitive enough. “You’re dead inside,” she said. “You have no feelings.”
She was, as she said, on fire as she strutted through the hospital on her way to remove the tiny tree, zinging her Cristina-isms everywhere. “No wonder you were so organized,” she said, citing to April her lack of current sexual activity as the secret to her success. “You had virgin superpowers.” Turned out her virgin superpowers put an end to Cristina’s strutting … at least momentarily … as she ran straight into Teddy in the patient’s room. April had told the chief and Teddy about Cristina’s against-protocol plan to do the surgery herself. “Sorry,” she said. “I needed this too.” But, lo and behold, the patient wanted Cristina to do the operation! She was the one who finally figured out what was wrong with him, so she was the one he trusted. She took the adorable little tree out (It was! It was adorable! That’s weird!), and she wanted to keep it because it had “thrived in a hostile environment.” (Metaphor alert!) April simply wasn’t having it because it wasn’t protocol, which set Cristina off. “It’s not gonna be you, April,” she snapped. “No matter how many boxes you check, you’re not gonna be chief resident.” Ouch.
And! Back to the babies. Meredith was worried about Zola’s surgery, mainly because the poor dear had a hernia, hydrocephalus, and spina bifida. She was sick of Derek saying everything would be okay. “Everything is going to go the way it goes,” he corrected himself, and she was happy with that. The surgery, incidentally, went okay. Over in a dark office, Lexie walked in on Mark and Baby Sophia. They had a sweet, heartbreaking moment of connection, which he ended with, “I have everything I always wanted. Almost.” They’re so not done yet. Then Mark went over to a different part of the hospital, where Zola was recovering, to have an adorable (so much adorableness tonight!) daddy moment with Derek. “Admit it,” Mark said, “you saw how good this baby looked on me and you had to get one of your own.” Aww, hot dads are cute.
Meredith stammered her way through her interview with the adoption official, then went medical when the going got tough, answering the query, “Tell me about Zola,” with a long explanation of how she pulled through surgery. She added that she didn’t know anything about being a mom, but, “I am ready to learn. and I’m a fast learner.” And wouldn’t you know, the official totally got it. “Know what good moms do?” she said. “They brag about their kids. That’s what you did today.” Things were going so well, we knew they couldn’t hold through next week.
Not so for Owen and Cristina, who were fighting over the revelation of what she’d done to get the tree surgery. “You’re not gonna be the chief resident,” he finally told her. “It’s not gonna be you.” She was not happy, but he had a good explanation: “Anything that keeps you from being a surgeon will kill you.”
Poor Alex finally told Blond Doctor he wasn’t going to Africa because he wanted to stay with her, only to find that she had taken the African job. Ugh. See, no use in learning Blond Doctor’s name.
And, sorry, Cristina and April and Alex, because we got a new frontrunner for chief resident! Owen told Jackson he was onto why he’d dropped out of the study — it was because he didn’t want it to affect whether the study won the coveted Harper Avery award. (Remember, that thing named for his famous grandpa?) Owen was impressed and gruff and inspirational all at once, as he often is, and growled that Jackson shouldn’t trade on his name but also, “Don’t ever let it hold you back.” I sense a big moment coming for our resident hottie.
In other good news for hot people, Scott Foley told Teddy he would be getting a new pancreas in the Chief’s study and thus new insurance. Teddy told him she was going to Germany. (Hmm, will this hold for a week?) He asked her, “May I please have a divorce?” And thus ended their fake marriage, theoretically, though we still have a week to go, so I doubt it.
In the final moments, Jackson caught Lexie “staring at Sloan again,” Cristina drunkenly told a drunk Alex that Meredith was likely to get chief resident because everyone trusts her, and Cristina planted a big kiss on Owen after realizing he was right not to give her the job. “You told me to be excellent,” she said. “That’s what I want to be.” All was well until Alex slurred to Owen, “Meredith messed with the Alzheimer’s trial.” Oops.
What did you think of this penultimate episode of the season, Grey’s fans? Who’ll get chief resident? Who will stay in town? Who will go?
Follow me on Twitter: @jenmarmstrong