Jimmy Martino is living his nightmare: The second episode of Grandfathered begins with him hitting on a woman half his age at a bar; he recounts his heroic running-with-Edie-in-his-arms-to-the-ER story. It’s cheesy, but effective — who could resist that hair? The two are back at Jimmy’s place and about to begin the real party when the woman reveals that she doesn’t know who her father is. “He was just some guy who slept around a lot,” she giggles between kisses. Jimmy hesitates and inquires further. Her mother, as it turns out, was a bartender. “I slept with a lot of bartenders in the late ‘80s,” Jimmy says. And just like that, the mood is ruined.
The next day at work, Jimmy’s assistant, Annelise, and chef, Ravi, jockey for his good graces — and his extra wristband to Diddy’s White Party. To determine the winner, Jimmy makes them compose a song for him. Ravi comes up with a ballad on the spot, but Jimmy declares Annelise the winner regardless. It turns out to be a moot point — they both get wristbands when Gerald invites Jimmy to Family Day the same day as the party.
Jimmy sputters around for a bit — this is Diddy’s first White Party to hit the coast since 2009, and Kate Upton might be there! You don’t have to give up your life when you get a family, right? The convincing factor seems to be a line from one of the chefs: “A horse kicked me in the penis when I was 16, and now I can’t have children.” Somehow this causes Jimmy to think.
“Kate Upton probably won’t even show up,” he says. “She never shows up.” So Family Day it is!
The White Party/Family Day, we find Gerald excitedly shoving things into a packed car and sporting the dorkiest safari hat I’ve seen thus far on television. Vanessa stands to the side taking bikini selfies. “What’s up, what’s up?” she greets her virtual followers. “It’s family fun day, bitches!” Sara is looking on in horror and questioning her son’s affections for his baby mama when Jimmy pulls up in a Benz wearing a suit — just casual beach day attire, obviously.
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As Jimmy rides in a crowded backseat, deals with a wailing baby, and navigates the horrors of the public beach, Annelise and Ravi are loving life at Diddy’s white party. They dance; they skeeze on models; they agree to kill each other after because life can’t get possibly get better than this. It’s Diddy!
On the beach, Sara’s disdain for Vanessa becomes more apparent with each second. Beach time essentially equals selfie time for Vanessa, who says with a straight face that it’s her form of self-expression. So Jimmy takes it upon himself to convince his son to hit up Diddy’s nearby White Party with him. With Gerald’s hat removed — thank God — the two strip Annelise and Ravi of their wristbands.
NEXT: Chicken fights and drum circles[pagebreak]
Not realizing the men have disappeared, Vanessa agrees to let a raggedy band of drummers sit right by the family’s beach spot as she sprays Sara in the face with tanning lotion. “What up, what up?” she addresses her phone again. “I’m at a drum circle getting my groove on. It’s super hot. Wish you were here!”
Sara isn’t as enthused. She argues with the drummers and asks them to leave — then all hell breaks loose when one throws a drum near Edie. Vanessa, it turns out, was paying a little more attention that she let on. She goes ballistic, throws the drum in the ocean, and then approaches the drummers with a switchblade. She cuts two more drums and instructs the woman holding them to throw those in the ocean as well. The woman complies immediately. Vanessa is clearly not to be messed with.
Meanwhile, the White Party is wearing thin on Gerald. Jimmy, about to referee a chicken fight, is loving it, but his son is ready to get back to his family. When Jimmy tries to talk him into staying, Gerald gives his father a well-deserved admonishing speech. He loves spending time at the beach with his daughter, even if it means wearing a dorky hat to protect himself from sunburns while she takes forever to build a sand castle.
He leaves the party, and Annelise reappears. (“So are any of these girls gay or mad at their parents?” It’s easy to see why she and Jimmy get along.) Jimmy feels guilty after his son’s exit, so she checks Vanessa’s Instagram account to find out if Gerald is back on the beach. He is, and Jimmy begins looking for swimming trunks to borrow to appropriately enjoy the rest of the day with his family.
While Vanessa begins to convince Sara that maybe her chances of being a successful YouTuber are better than initially imagined, Jimmy runs toward them, wipes in hand, sporting tiny white shorts with the word “Dirty Boy” emblazoned across the butt.
Is Jimmy actually getting better at this whole family thing?
Most millennial moments:
“I think I’ve figured out my five-year plan. I’m gonna make instructional makeup videos on YouTube.” — Vanessa
“How dope is this? I love drum circles.” — Vanessa
“Well, it is really hard to take pictures of your own butt.” — Vanessa, after Sara offers to help her become a YouTube star