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Gossip Girl recap: Class Warfare

As the gang returns to school, Serena clashes with Juliet, and Chuck struggles to build his new life

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Gossip Girl Cassidy

Gossip Girl

TV Show
run date:
Josh Schwartz
Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, Chace Crawford, Penn Badgley, Ed Westwick
Current Status:
Off Air

School’s back in session, Gossipers. And if we’re all being honest with ourselves, this really is the best setting for our gang, isn’t it? The return to a natural habitat gave Blair her bite back, made Nate grow a backbone, and proved that Serena hadn’t lost all patented ability to backstab. Productivity really does rise when we’re not worrying about our libidos, doesn’t it? On to the episode…

There are some things in life you just need: air, water, a housekeeper to press your ‘refresh’ button, and some R&R (to have a little cosmetic work done). Gossip Girl was doing the latter at the start of last night’s episode. “Under construction,” the site said, much to Blair’s chagrin. But as Wise Gay Teen pointed out, “The site says ‘Under construction,’ not ‘Out of service.'” Later on, we’d be glad the site wasn’t gone for too long… (P.S. – Welcome back, Eric. My, your shirt is pink.)

Over at Bed, Bass, and Beyond, Chuck (with bed head…awww) woke up to find his foreign fornication buddy, Not Blair, gazing at out at his “magnificent” world. Look, we get it. She’s sweet, naïve, humble, and enjoys cityscapes — but she really needs to get the hell out. This French-bred is stale; shouldn’t Chuck be bored by now?

To his credit, Chuck made an effort to change his ways, and had gone back home to show his family how he’d changed. I gather the façade will be more believable if he totes around his souvenir for little while longer. Next time, try a key chain, Bass.

Chuck really needed all the help he could get to look good in this episode, though, what with Wise Gay Teen walking around making him look bad. (Eric told Rufus about how Chuck tried to rape Jenny back in season 1.) In a way, the Chuck/Jenny storyline was — much like Gossip Girl — under construction tonight, repairing plot holes. It had seemed as thought the writers’ had all but forgotten this little factoid last season, so it was nice for them to try and make amends.

More importantly, Eric’s confession to Rufus about Chuck and Jenny’s past led to many problems for Chuck and almost led to the demise of his relationship with Not Blair at a party during Fashion’s Night Out, this week’s party of convenience, perfect for climactic plot points.

But before all that blew up in his face, Not Blair almost left Chuck for an entirely different reason: She wasn’t going to fit into his world. [Tiniest violin begins to play a tune fit for a Disney movie soundtrack.] This was pointed out to her ever-so-eloquently by Blair, in a series of zingers that likely had long-time Gossip fans cheering the return of their fearless, sharp-tongued leader. But even Blair’s valiant effort wasn’t enough to keep the homewrecking strumpet down for long, thanks mostly to a pep talk from Chuck. Seriously, pep talks? Peasants for pleasure pets? Who ARE you, Chuck, Dan Humphrey?

Speaking of Daddy Dan, he’s not a daddy. Milo was not his after all, and with GeorGINA still gone (in St. Bart’s, apparently), Dan weighed his options. He contemplated taking the baby to social services, but changed his mind, opting instead to take on dual baby duty with Vanessa. I imagine if the baby’s train of thought could be heard (in a Bruce Willis voice, of course), he would have piped up, “Please, I’ll take my chances with the feds. Maybe they won’t put me in the same wool hat every week. It’s summer, asshats.”

NEXT: Whatever happened to Baby Milo?