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Emmys 2017
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Gossip Girl recap: 'Me Versus You. No Limits.'

In ‘A Touch of Eva,’ Chuck declares war after the ultimate betrayal

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Gossip Girl Blair Chuck
Giovanni Rufino/The CW

Gossip Girl

TV Show
run date:
Josh Schwartz
Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, Chace Crawford, Penn Badgley, Ed Westwick
Current Status:
Off Air

We knew Not Blair wouldn’t last. And let’s face it: Angels belong in heaven, where they can be free to save all the puppies and children and homeless people they want, and that’s sweet. Like Ipecac.

The rest of us evils belong on earth. That’s where I like to see the Gossip gang, wearing their sinful dresses, saying sinful things, and sinning for their own benefit. Isn’t that a saying? “Evil does it”? I could be wrong; nonetheless, I like it. And it’s true, too.

This week’s episode started as a sticky-sweet tribute to new love, new life, and new morals. Chuck was giving money away and making the papers for turning his life around. We had Not Blair to blame thank for the change. Chuck had even planned a gala to announce a $5 million donation to a TBD charity. He was a changed man, but not so changed that he forgot how to frost his lady. Cartier, anyone?

Yes, he got Not Blair a pricey piece of ice as a gift, which of course incensed Actual Blair (especially when Gossip Girl boards were lit up by claims that the watch cost more than anything Chuck had ever given the latter lady). That’s when Serena spotted what can only be referred to as the Blair Crazy Eye and made her promise not to interfere with Chuck’s new romance. Blair agreed, as long as Serena stayed off of Gossip Girl, where she had been checking up on Nate and Dan’s budding relationships (with Juliet and Dumpty, respectively). They agreed. And because they both keep promises about as well as they kept their virginities, the girls promptly broke their pact.

While at Cartier scoping out the price of the watch, hoping to put her jealousy at ease, Blair spotted Not Blair hocking the watch Chuck had given her and captured it on tape. When she went to have a screening party at Chuck’s, her plan was foiled. It would have been a fabulous piece of intel, except Not Blair used the money for good — not evil. Yep, she had given the money to an employee of Chuck’s who was on the verge of losing his home. Chuck responded with sympathy and admiration for St. Not Blair. “How can I ever be angry with you?” he said. Oh, but he’d learn how to be.

Over in Brooklyn, Dan was struggling with the loss of Milo but wouldn’t admit it. (And even I — a child repellent — have to admit the kid was cute. Too cute to be Dan’s, really.) Taking a page from the Lonely Boy’s Guide to Depression, Dan was wearing the same shirt for days at a time (not that he ever appeared particularly well-groomed to begin with…), sleeping all the time, and skipping classes. Dumpty had scheduled an intervention, but it didn’t help much. He claimed he was fine, which is boy talk for dying inside.

NEXT: Turns out the lady is (was?) a tramp!