How fitting that mere days after the crowning of a new princess in the U.K., Blair Waldorf, the Upper East Side’s own version of royalty, found her prince? Except, um, where did this relationship come from? Like Kate and William had a lengthy wooing process (and I think even a break-up or two). Blair and Louis have barely logged like a month of time together. I don’t think he even knows Dorota’s name yet. And yet Ms. Waldorf was given a diamond that would have even made J. Lo blush. I’d probably marry him too frankly. I respond to anything sparkly. Also, each time an episode’s credit sequence ends with “Directed by Andrew McCarthy” I get realz excited. I think that’s the Lipstick Jungle fan in me. LJ will never die in my heart.
So the night’s hour began with Blair calling her mother and announcing her engagement. Then, we flashed back to the preceding days and witnessed what led up to her landing that giant rock…and seemingly asexual French prince. Is it me or is Louis just not so hot? I feel like the accent is everything. Like if this dude were an insurance salesman from Weehawken there would be zero fuss over him. So he and Blair were enjoying their whirlwind romance when Serena’s revenge plan finally came into play: she had called Louis’ mother and told her about the prince’s decision to marry a common American girl…albeit one with a healthy love of tiaras and power trips. Did anyone else notice that Louis’ mother, Sophie, was played by Joanne Whalley of Willow fame! Remember that weird fantasy movie when Val Kilmer was still hot? I used to looooove that flick although it did scare the bejeesus out of me when I saw it in the theater. Whalley joins the illustrious ranks of Sheila Kelley and Laura Harring of mothers on Gossip Girl. Congrats JoJo. A proud day.
So the royal mum obvs did not approve of Louis marrying Blair, but her son was able to convince her to give Blair a shot. Naturally, this all led to a lavish party with 10 other potential princesses flown in for Sophie to judge. It was kinda like the CW’s own version of The Bachelor sans hot tub make-outs. Am I the only one who was not into Blair’s look for the party? It was kinda messy and obvious like she might as well have gone to a costume store and asked for the Cinderella outfit. I would have appreciated a little more creativity.
Meanwhile, Charlie and Dan started to get closer. Oh, and Charlie clearly found where Serena kept her sequined cardigan stash. Dan took Charlie to one of his classes (remember—these kids are in college!) and they bonded over coffee. But they were not alone: professional lurker Vanessa was also conveniently perusing books. Once again, coffee’s biggest fan, Vanessa, was at the right place, at the right time, using those mutant-esque ears to listen in on private conversations (she did have a very amusing line tonight comparing herself to Julian Assange). So she introduced herself to Serena’s little doppelganger Charlie who seemed to realize what a drip Vanessa is. Good for you, Charlie. Don’t get duped by Vanessa’s almost hypnotically bad patterned clothing. Weirdly, Vanessa decided to help Charlie get closer to Dan.
NEXT: Rufus gets a plotline and a job!