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Gossip Girl recap: Mommie Dearest

Dan and Blair discuss taking their friendship public while Lily could be headed to the slammer.

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Gossip Girl Empire Son
Giovanni Rufino/The CW

Gossip Girl

TV Show
run date:
Josh Schwartz
Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, Chace Crawford, Penn Badgley, Ed Westwick
Current Status:
Off Air

It sorta felt like all of the great couture was at the Oscars and not so much on last night’s Gossip Girl. The wardrobes were surprisingly toned down. I mean there was a party and Serena BARELY showed cleavage—that’s crazy talk! Also, there was nary a sequin in sight. My eyes! My eyes!

Based on the trailers, we were promised a major scandal would rock the Upper East Side and GG sorta delivered. I mean it wasn’t really a surprising twist (Lily ended up turning herself in to the police over the forged affidavit) but it still definitely caused some drama…and brought about the return of the star of Sliver, Mr. William Baldwin!!!

Serena and Ben continued what I’m officially going to say is the most boring love story on television. This girl is hot like fire but Liza has better taste in men. This romance is like a horse with a broken leg—put it out of its misery! We did have a somewhat interesting development when Ben’s mom, Cynthia, showed up out of the blue. And she’s sort of a doppelganger for Juliet, particularly in the hairdo department. Oh and her tendency to be an utter and total beeeyotch. Speaking of her hair, I think it needed a little trim. I don’t like women of that age with long hair. Anyways, that’s my little diatribe about hairdos. Back to Ben’s mom: gurlfriend was none too pleased to find out that her jailbird son was now hanging with the blondie that got him thrown in the clink. So naturally Serena decided to invite them both over to her place, a.k.a. the Waldorfs, for some lunch.

Well, apparently, while she had over those charming folks, mama Sharp snuck into Serena’s room and stole the infamous fake affidavit. How did she know where it was located? Why, of course, Smartie McButtchin Ben told her exactly where it was! Hello dude! Not a good call. And he acted so surprised when he figured out what she had done. Ugh. You were a teacher! It was clearly all for the best that Lily had you thrown in jail. You could have done way more harm left in the education system.

Shortly after entertaining the Sharps, Serena got a visit from her mother and Vanessa, who again was wearing a solid-colored coat. Progress!!! Although she did sort of magically appear behind Lily like an ill-accessorized witch. Vanessa broke it down to Serena about hearing Ben admit to having the Captain beat up in prison.

Now to my favorite love story since I dreamed that I was dating Justin Timberlake: Dair!!!!! These two just put a smile on my face. I love that Blair planned exit strategies for all of the locations in which they would meet. Of course, she would always arrive first and Dan would show up like 15 minutes later in order to make people believe they showed up separately. But Dorota was able to catch on to their little deception. “I found a Nova documentary in your Netflix queue,” she told Blair. Genius. The look of sheer horror on her face when she believed that Meez Blair was dating, as she called him, “Lonely Boy” was totally priceless. Blair and Dan eventually decided to “come out” as friends at a big Chuck party that night, thinking they could not hide their movie/museum outings any longer.

NEXT: Chuck throws a party and Serena keeps the cleavage to a minimum!