‘Gossip Girl’ recap: Starting over
Happy New Year, TV Watchers. What did you ask Santa for? I wanted Chuck Bass?s uncle to be hot, Little J. to stop hitting levels of Taylor Swift-obnoxiousness, and for Aaron Rose to disappear. Apparently, I was a very good boy this year because I got all of those things. Although, Jenny is still rocking that painful razored cut.
First off, let?s just all praise the wise judgment of the Girl producers to cut dead weight — I mean — Aaron loose. It?s like a big stinky cheese was removed, and now everything smells rosy. Boy, it sure didn?t take Serena long to get over that relationship. She and Dan almost started dry humping in the school hallways. Um, hello, hall monitor! Someone needs to be watching these kids. In any case, I?m kinda already tired of Dan and Serena being back together. They?re like the romantic equivalent of steamed rice — bland, bland, bland. Sure, they?re beautiful but they?re also kinda dullsville. That was a ridiculous moment, too, when Dan was on the phone with Rufus and promised not to tell Serena about the illegitimate child, even though she was standing like three inches from the conversation.
I never thought I?d say this but I was totally digging Jenny last night. I love Nelly Yuki, so any chance she gets to pop back up is reason for celebration. (Confession: I once broke my glasses in middle school and had to wear tape in the middle of them. Yes, Nelly Yuki brought back some sad adolescent memories.) But it was nice to see Jenny finally acting like a teenager, and by that I mean being manipulative and bitchy. Her face-offs with Penelope were priceless, especially when she alerted them that their secrets were out and about to go on Gossip Girl. The mean girls overall were really hilarious, like when Penelope called her father to rat on Jenny for ”bullying” her. One complaint: Who goes to Pinkberry in the middle of winter? But I love that Jenny thought she was helping Nelly, and the whole time Nelly thought Jenny was attempting to rule the school. Does it make anyone else a little sad that Jenny and Eric seem to have no other friends besides each other? Nelly appeared to be bringing their group to a whopping three people, but then she dropped them like hot hipster potatoes. To be fair, if Jenny showed up at a club dressed in a metallic purple dress, I?d probably opt for the mean girls too.
NEXT: Blair dumps the ladies who lunch
Nice casting with Jack Bass, Chuck?s uncle. Desmond Harrington not only looks like Robert John Burke but also is one tall drink of water. He managed to retrieve what was left of Chuck after what appears to be quite a bit of bong hitting and beer drinking. (Blair line of the night: ”I?m surprised they made it through customs. Chuck?s body odor could have given a contact high to half of Manhattan.”) Despite Blair?s attempts to pull him back from the dark side, Chuck seems to have given up hope. And ties. And suits. Although, he did wear a quite bright yellow sweater which had the trace of Old Chuck. During Chuck?s downward spiral, there was a nice return to Victrola. I thought Chuck sold Victrola in order to help out the Archibald?s. Or did I hallucinate that? Um, how in the world did Eric get into that bar? I understand Chuck, Dan, and Serena faking their way in, but Eric looks like he?s a 12-year-old kid dressing up as a businessman for Halloween. Overall, I hope this dark and sad Chuck doesn?t last for too long because I much prefer the flirty and mischievous Chuck. I think this whole story line just made you notice how much energy he and Blair bring to the show and, when they?re all weepy, it brings the show down a bit.
What the hell is this Colony Club thing Blair wants to be in so badly? From the looks of the members, it was like some kind of argyle enthusiasts club for 50-year-old women. It was touching, though ,watching her balance her silly society stuff while genuinely worrying about Chuck. Thankfully, she?s got my girl Dorota to lean on. I did love the moment when one of the wives said that she saw Serena on Page Six and often saw a little too much of her. It was probably a photo someone took of Serena leaving a Yale interview. The big revelation though was that something appears to have happened between Blair and Jack on New Year?s Eve. Isn?t he like 20 years older than her? I?m guessing alcohol played some part in their hook-up, as it does with most New Year?s interactions. Still, I?m not sure I buy Blair cheating on Chuck, if that is indeed what happened. I did like that Blair noted Chuck?s preference for rooftops; I think we?re close to three rooftop moments and counting for the young Mr. Bass.
So we learned that Lily and Rufus? love baby is, in fact, a male. Note to CW casting dept: Please pick someone hot. I think we all learned a valuable lesson from the whole Aaron debacle. Gossip Girl is fantasy. We?re not tuning in for regular lookin? folk. If I wanted to stare at the common folk, I?d watch Deal or No Deal. While we?re at it, I don?t like Rufus in turtlenecks. That man is a Western shirt kinda guy; I don?t think his wardrobe should deviate from that. It looks like Lily and Rufus will be MIA for a bit while they track down this missing son. Don?t you love how Rufus just calls his teenage son and is like, ”Yo. I gotta peace out for an unknown amount of time. Good luck.” Nice parenting, Rufus. I can see now why you feel the need to find your other child.
And finally…Dear Nate and Vanessa,
Where are you?
What did you think of last night?s Gossip Girl? What will Rufus and Lily?s son be like? Will Dorota ever become a regular castmember?