Tim Stack
November 04, 2008 AT 05:00 AM EST

‘Gossip Girl’ recap: Changing the game

Dear Jenny,

I no longer like you. You were borderline annoying, verging on shrill, but you really pushed me over the edge last night. Now you’re rocking little doily hats and retro animal-print coats à la Project Runway‘s Kenley. And throwing “guerrilla fashion shows.” I’m pretty sure you just made that term up. Also, the words “guerrilla ” and “fashion” should never really be combined. And didn’t we learn a few weeks ago that “tights are not pants”?! And yet, there you were at the philanthropy ball wearing a shorter than short dress (and aforementioned doily hat) with a pair of leggings. I was actually rooting for the police officer to arrest you. I’m sure that doily hat would have gone over really well in the clink. And you made your hot, hot father weepy when he saw that you had moved out. Don’t make Rufus cry! By the end of the episode, you looked like a Jawa from Star Wars in that oversize sweater coat, schlepping down the street with your sewing machine.

Also, your clothing line looks like something even Amy Winehouse would be hesitant to wear.

Don’t love ya,

Tim

Had to get that out of my system.

I love that Nate can no longer keep track of who he hooks up with. Although, if I were him, I’d probably forget about that Jordan lady too. I’d also forget about hooking up with Jenny because it just creeps me out. Also, let’s remember the little doily hats. Doily hats, Nate! It’s not 1924! Frankly, I just do not understand this relationship. Also, Nate is starting to get on my nerves as well. If he didn’t look so damn good in a suit, I’d have written him a little note, too. It just seems like he does not care at all about any of his so-called friends. He had to have known that Dan would not approve of this relationship. And I know that he and Vanessa aren’t getting along, but show a little sensitivity, dude. Even Chuck came off classier than Nate in this episode. So now Nate is off to live with his mom in the Hamptons? Will he be MIA for the next few episodes or what? Maybe that’s where Jawa Jenny is headed too. Side note: Did anyone else notice that the girl who took Nate and Jenny’s photo at the benefit was one of the Gossip Girl readers who approached Dan and Serena in the park earlier in the season? The one who liked Serena? That was a nice little detail.

I do not believe that Lily would be totally fine with Jenny crashing her big night. Since when did this lady become so easygoing? Also, there’s no way that crowd of blue bloods would be into Jenny’s edgy, Urban Outfitters-style line. And even if Lily didn’t retaliate, I feel like Bart Bass would totally want revenge for that night being ruined.

NEXT: Serena’s questionable Yale attire

No big revelation here: Vanessa spent most of the episode wearing a horrible print and making coffee. And clearly she’s going to be moping even more now that she knows about Nate and Jenny’s relationship. She’ll probably direct most of her anger into some really hot lattes. Watch out, café patrons!

What is it with Serena’s hemlines every time Yale is involved? It’s like, as soon she gets near someone connected to the Ivy League, she decides to wear something from the Aubrey O’Day collection. Put some pants on! It’s Yale! And then she puts on a floor-length gown for a party?! Very confusing, Serena. But I did enjoy her and Blair’s little babysitting adventure. And anytime the writers can find a reason to team Blair and Chuck up is worth it. Chuck was responsible for my favorite line of the night, when he and Emma hit it off: “Looks like you just hooked yourself a Bass.” Searching for the sex-craving Emma all over New York brought out the best in Blair, and by that I mean the big bitch. But I think the whole I-caught-someone-doing-something-bad-by-snapping-a-camera-phone-pic thing is getting a tad old. Blair’s taken more photos with that little phone than Annie Liebovitz. And would Emma’s mom really go somewhere so of-the-moment and hot like 1Oak? It seems like something more random and discreet would be the ideal spot and not the nightclub du jour. I did like that Blair ended up finding some common ground with Emma, although I felt like her speech about not turning sex into a game was sort of the show’s producers trying to be a little message-y. This is, after all, the show that last week had Jenny dancing around in her bra just for kicks. I did enjoy Blair referring to Muffy as a “lacrosse-titute.” Emma’s mom — played by Patricia Kalember, who totally used to be on Sisters, BTW — did deserve a bit more of a comeuppance. So, do we think Blair and Serena will end up at Yale? And is Serena going to end up helping Dan get into the school, too? That’s what it felt like to me after their chat at the benefit. I think it’s quite interesting, though, that Dan finally decided to grow a pair and write the story based on his time with Chuck. It’s about time the dude got a little tougher. It’s pretty sad when Jenny Humphrey is the bravest one in the family.

And, finally, since most of this TV Watch ended up as a rant about how I do not like certain GG characters, I would like to finish with Aaron. How can I put this politely? Aaron is not sexy or handsome or charismatic or even moderately cute. And clearly he has mysterious relationships with dozens of women. Serena, you are hot like fire. Find another dude to be obsessed with. Or at least someone whose facial hair isn’t so spotty.

What did you think of last night’s Gossip Girl? Is Aaron a worthy suitor for Serena? Where is Jenny going? Will Vanessa ever stop making coffee?

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