If anyone deserves to take on the party playlist for a bar mitzvah, it’s the writers of Glee. As luck would have it, little Myron Muskovitz is the superintendent’s nephew, and even though he looks to be in the single-digit age range, this kid has specific ideas on how he will officially become a man. There’s only one group in town who can meet the high standards of this tiny terror. Grab a yarmulke, New Directions. It’s time to get funky.
It all begins when Sue asks Superintendent Harris to sign a letter of recommendation for her “Principal of the Year” application. Harris agrees and asks for a favor in return. Enter Myron Muskovitz played by the effervescent J.J. Totah. Sue explains to the Glee Club that Myron needs a little feedback on the musical number he will be performing at his bar mitzvah. Within seconds, the auditorium stage lights up and Myron comes alive. He’s cute, he’s animated, and he travels with an entourage of sexy female dancers wearing gold lamé body suits.
At first I thought this was way too much butt slapping and crotch grabbing for a boy of his age, and from the shocked facial expressions from the New Directions, they agree. On the other hand, when he performs this number, he will technically be a man. Slap away young Muskovitz.
Myron absorbs the praise from his audience. He immediately fires the Solid Gold Dancers after they receive a critique from Kitty. Myron quickly negotiates a clever substitution, and before they know it, Sue has agreed that the Glee Club will be the opening act. Mozel tov!
Meanwhile, Spencer is disgusted with Roderick’s inability to neither climb a rope in gym class, nor execute simple choreography in Glee Club. When Roderick asks Spencer to help him get in shape, Spencer refuses. That is, until Spencer discovers that Roderick has a class with his crush Alistair. A stunned Roderick suddenly becomes Spencer’s wingman. As Spender primps and flexes his amazing physique, Alistair walks away. Roderick lets Spencer in on a little secret. Spencer isn’t a player—he’s a creeper.
Spencer shouldn’t feel bad. Being a creeper is better than people thinking you are in an incestuous relationship with your twin. Poor Mason can’t seem to shake Madison long enough to ask Jane out. He confides in Roderick and Spencer, begging one of them to provide a distraction. Clearly Mason’s character has yet to grasp the “be a man” theme of this episode.
Back in the choir room, Rachel announces that the Glee Club is on the Muskovitz Bar Mitzvah setlist. Mr. Schuester advices the kids to come up with songs that will appeal to their audience. It surprised me that One Direction did not make the cut. In my experience, tweens are still obsessed with Harry Styles.
As the kids scroll through the music selection on their phones, Sue reveals that Myron is a miniature maniac who is quite demanding. During her stint as his personal slave, Sue decided that the best way to make the madness stop is for Schuester, Sheldon, Sam, and Rachel to join her as Myron’s backup dancers. This makes all the sense in the world.
Just outside, Mason decides to stand up to his sister by ditching her for Jane. When he shares the good news, Madison refuses to play along. She reminds her brother that Jane has amazing legs and huge hair. Why would anyone want to share a stage with someone who obviously wants to pull focus?
Spencer is also teetering the line of plucking his manly courage. He stares longingly at Alistair through a window (stalker), helps him with his books (friendly stalker), and does shirtless sit-ups beside him during gym (hot stalker). Sadly, he never pulls the trigger.
When Myron’s bar mitzvah finally rolls around, I can’t help but smile at his fabulous shiny, silver suit. It pairs nicely with his Madonna mic. Mason is first to perform. He has traded in the Cheerios uniform for a black leather jacket. As he sings the lyrics of Queen’s “I Want To Break Free,” it’s evident that Mason has a big message for his sister. She watches from the wings as Jane, and a gaggle of junior high girls, swoon over Mason’s rugged exterior. Madison later admits that she was wrong about smothering him, but stands firm in her assessment that Jane is a total stage hog.
Is a stage hog one step away from a stage diva? I’d hate to see Jane stuck in a large box hanging from the rafters like Myron. Everyone is frantic to help the young man of the hour, yet Kitty is the only one to suggest they find a ladder. What a ridiculous thought! Spencer thinks this is the perfect opportunity for Roderick to climb the rope and save the day. Roderick hoists himself up the rope, fixes the pulley, sweats through his silk shirt, and rescues the kid who just pooped his pants. What a man. What a mighty good man.
NEXT: Sequined track suits are awesome.