It’s week three and once again, Glee denied me of hearing my beloved Roderick bust out a bluesy song with his soulful voice. In fact, the entire New Directions team was chorally absent from this episode. Instead, we are given a front row seat as the acrobatic powerhouse Vocal Adrenaline and the mighty Sue Sylvester take over the spontaneous song-and-dance performances at McKinley High. Watching Mr. Schuester’s kids hang by wires from the auditorium ceiling as Sue terrorizes students in the hall was definitely concerning. The show choir winds have shifted in Lima. And to think—it all started with a plastic fork.
Now that Sue has absolute power at WMHS, she decides to pity Will for having the emotional depth of a 12-year-old girl by inviting him to lunch. When he inadvertently leaves a disposable fork on the table at the conclusion of their meal, Sue’s unmedicated brain translates the gesture as a sign of disrespect. Forget retiring to the marsh in southern Iraq. It’s time to put an end to Will Schuester and Glee Club once and for all. TO THE HURT LOCKER!
Becky joins Sue on her maniacal quest and asks the question everyone wants to know: What is a hurt locker? Sue raises the door to a storage facility that houses a collection of personal objects and display boards full of memories. This is where she stores her hatred. It’s a sight to behold if you’re a stalker. The rest of us are relieved that this wasn’t a weird basement where the Glee kids from season 4 are being held against their will, forced to process their dire circumstances through the power of song.
Sue pins the “rage fork” on Will’s voodoo board, next to other mortal enemies Jimmy Carter and Al Roker. A lock of Rachel’s hair extensions remind Sue that Will’s protégé must be stopped as well. Sue saunters over to an organ, plays a chord, and a secret wall raises up, revealing a much sweeter exhibition. Ladies and gentlemen, Sue Sylvester is a Klaine fan! And she will stop at nothing to restore their tender man love so she can be a flower girl at their fabulous wedding. Fear not Porcelain! Sue may be taking down your Glee Club, but she’s determined to lift you and Blaine up where you belong.
There’s one problem. Kurt doesn’t want Blaine back. He shares this sentiment with Sue, just before she sends him to the auditorium to greet the teams who have just arrived to compete in the Glee Club Invitational. Kurt panics, knowing that Sue crafted this diabolical plan to sabotage his team. Buckle up New Directions. It’s time to see what real competition looks like!
Naturally, Rachel is in freak-out mode and gently reminds Mr. Schu that his kids have had all summer to practice their set, while her four kids have only performed a couple of songs and uttered a collective five minutes of dialog in three episodes. This isn’t fair, and Sue knows New Directions will crumble under the pressure. Rachel asks Mr. Schu to remember what it’s like to lead a ragtag group of misfits into the line of fire, hoping that their dreams aren’t crushed in the wake of battle. Will walks backstage and notices the picture of Finn looking down on him. He decides to toss out the numbers they had practiced.
As the Vocal Adrenaline team rushes to learn new songs, Rachel and Kurt ask Blaine if the Warblers will take it easy on New Directions. Blaine is quick to answer, “In your dreams,” before suggesting that if this competition is too scary for the quartet, then New Directions should probably drop out. Suddenly he receives a frantic text message from Karofsky. There’s an intruder in the apartment! Blaine, Kurt, and Rachel race over to find a bear cub munching on rainbow pillows.
Clearly Sue is behind this bizarre behavior. Kurt busts through Sue’s office, explaining that when she learned of Karofsky’s attraction to bears, he doesn’t actually mean the deadly animal that can rip out your trachea. It’s a metaphor for burly men. Arranging to have a real live bear placed in someone’s home is insane!
Sue: Will Schuester once submerged a lucite platform into the swimming pool so he could literally walk on water to propose to his girlfriend. Now that’s pretty insane.
NEXT: Heads are gonna roll.