Hey, Gleeks. Sorry I missed our first date with me as your new recapper. You see, I arrived, saw you through the window, and thought you were so pretty, I couldn’t walk in. IT MUST BE TRUE LOVE — which is exactly what most of our couples on Glee DON’T HAVE (unfortunately). But they do have plenty of “Silly Love Songs.” So let’s Gleecap the silly, the love, and the songs.
Providing all three last night was Puck, who found himself lusting after all the nut-busting jelly that is Lauren. But unlike the triflin hoes he’s accustomed to, Lauren didn’t fold to the simpleton charms of the Puckster — “I’m not desperate, so if you really want this, you best come correct,” she said. This made him want her more. Life lesson No. 1, ladies: Dangle the carrot or you’ll be forced to buy your own carats from Jared and get stuck with a receipt that no one wants to reimburse you for.
We also learned that their seven minutes in heaven pre-sectionals was actually a moment of total rejection. (Puck didn’t do it for Lauren, which was weird for him because he’s used to “doing” everyone.) And Lauren really put Puck through hell for their failed heaven. She tossed his crappy chocolates back at him (after making sure they all sucked, of course), refused to go out with him even after being serenaded (via a slightly offensive — but great — song), and then stood him up at Breadstix. I totally respect Lauren for all of this, but the shallow part of me wanted to slap her until she realized it’s not okay to reject a deliciously attractive potential Puck buddy. Then I saw her kick Santana’s skinny a– and decided that wasn’t the best plan. (We’ll return to this…)
Meanwhile, Finn walked through the halls firing finger guns at girls, raising his douche factor to just above whatever Mr. Schu’s is when he raps. (P.S. I’d like to thank Becky for introducing us all to the nickname Finny Bear, which I will use in a condescending manner whenever necessary to reference Finn.) He was riding high after leading the football team to a big win, but now there was another game on. Only if he won this one, he’d have a finger gun on one arm and Quinn on the other. And Finn apparently believed the only weapon he needed to win his new fight was his mighty kisses, so he set up a charity kissing booth as a way to trap Quinn into locking lips. That would do it, he thought.
Now, in a realistic world (a.k.a. the thing we all run away from when it’s time to watch Glee), there is no way Finn’s little slits he calls lips could produce better kisses than Sam’s plentiful pucker. But in the Glee-verse, Finn’s kisses cause fireworks! He and Quinn discovered this after Sam insisted that Quinn and Finn share a kiss at the booth to prove there was no spark. Too bad for him, there was a spark; he just didn’t see it. And Finn and Quinn reconnected later in the auditorium, which also happens to be when Finn accidentally gave Quinn mono. More on that in a bit.
NEXT: Girl fight!