Good evening and/or morning, everyone! As you may have noticed, I am not your regular recapper — she is enjoying a well-deserved vacation. And what an episode to begin with! After last week’s school shooting, Glee took a turn for the more light-hearted, starting with…college! Finn’s finally made it to the ivied walls, the land of books and…a lot of Harlem Shaking. “College is like this perfect little bubble between being a kid and an adult,” he declares, as ladies in teeny bikinis and animal heads dance about him. But the best part? Puck’s moved in with Finn. I love college!
With Funny Girl auditions on the horizon, Rachel has gone full-on Barbra. As a Jew from Ohio, Rachel understands that she’s an unlikely pick for the part, but she’s hoping her shrine to the woman herself (complete with pictures of all Barbra’s lovers!) will help her master “the art of being Barbra.” Did you think the creepy Barbra den went far enough? Personally, I was looking for used tissues.
Mr. Schu’s enjoying a lunch with Beiste when Roz shows up, fresh from training students in North Korea with her assistant, Dennis Rodman. Oprah’s offered her her own Cheerio Network, but what Roz really wants to celebrate is Sue’s departure. Schu points out that since said departure was the result of a school shooting, it may not exactly be appropriate to fete it. “Honey please,” replies Roz. “I’m a child of the ghetto. I can’t sleep at night unless I hear at least two gunshots.” Meanwhile, Beiste counsels Schu on making good with Finn — sure, he’s mad now, but one day Schu will miss him. It’s time to put that whole kiss behind him. Schu’s reluctant, however.
Schu’s not the only one in a reflective mood after last week’s shooting. Now that she’s had a brush with death, Marley vows to let her songs see the light of day. Tina’s embraced steampunk (she looks like the cover of Cassandra Clare’s Clockwork Princess come to life, no?), while Sam has developed a split personality, Evan Evans. (I’d like to take a second to point out what a missed opportunity it was to not have Evan Peters play Evan Evans. Those two are twins in my eyes.) Unique? She’s popping birth control as an academic stimulant (is this a thing?). Everyone’s on the verge of breaking, so it may not be the best time to announce this year’s Regionals theme, but since when has Glee ever made life easy for these guys? And that theme is… Dreams! Schu wants a mash-up of the classics (“Sweet Dreams,” etc.), but Marley’s hoping to make her songwriting debut. Alas, she’s picked the wrong day to make a pitch. Schu’s in a black mood and he immediately shuts her down. (Side note: I fully hope next year’s Regionals theme is Sweaters.)
NEXT: Finn and I have very different ideas about what a ticket is