Welcome back to Extraordinarily Awful People. Wow. I’m still reeling from Hannah’s brutal switch from honest self-assessment to the cringe-inducing retelling of someone else’s lies at the end of episode 4, “Dead Inside.”
Unable to feel… anything in the aftermath of her editor David (and maybe her writing career, for the moment)’s death, Hannah ended up faking human compassion in the form of poor, tiny-dressed Margaret, a fictional cousin who died of muscular dystrophy. “Nooooooo,” I kept muttering dully at the screen, the more she talked. Why? How?
Ugh, it was horrifying. If I had a book out on stands, which I don’t, because there are no stands and you know that, it would say that Hannah didn’t need to “normalize” at the end. There are all sorts of weirdos out there, thinking their thoughts and feeling not much of anything right alongside the more highly evolved feelers, who are probably really weird themselves because everyone’s weird and that’s fine because it’s gotta better than lying.
Personally I don’t feel that many things either, and I’m not THAT much of a monster. Of course, back when I was 24, I didn’t have the confidence to say that and truly believe it, and apparently I still don’t have the confidence to leave the word “that” in lowercase letters. I do feel like a monster. I’ll go ahead and admit that at certain regrettable and very youthful moments in my deeply flawed life, I’ve acted just about as absurd and irrational as Hannah did in that last scene. Sure, it’s terrible, but so are people sometimes. You self-loathe about your mistakes for a few years and then you try to move on. Or if you’re Lena Dunham, you bypass all that unproductive nonsense and write a cable series portraying selfish people in all their gritty realistic horror. This pretty much sums up why Girls can get away with anything.
When Adam sat down on the front stoop, Hannah told him, “It always takes me a little while to process my emotions.” See, that’s all she needed to say. That was honest. I even believed her when she said she felt connected to David and very grateful about how supportive he’d been of her, and how it’s hard to realize her champion is gone.” Those are fine things to say! They’re self-centered, but they’re honest. They’re the things she’s feeling regarding David, and that makes them valid. I really wanted her to stick to her guns on this in a brave, take-me-or-leave-me way. No one should have to pretend to feel stuff.
And what if the whole Cousin Margaret thing was just one of many bullsh*t tall tales Adam’s sister Caroline liked to re-spin for newcomers throughout her life? I could have sworn Adam was about to recognize the lie and call Hannah out. Does he know she’s full of it, do you think? Of course, right? So why would she even bother when it’s only going to make things worse?
Hello, we’ve met before and also we haven’t met yet — now, as a special treat, this paragraph is the digital embodiment of ∞Jessa∞. A recap isn’t linear, bitch! Every sentence that’s ever happened or will ever happen is happening right now. So really you’ve already read this and also you do not yet know how to read. Let the illusion of continuity proceed. You’re welcome, for existing, by the way. My hair my hair my hair. XOX just kidding I don’t believe in those two particular letters any more than all the others; have you ever thought about how pointless words are? Maybe *we’re* words. Love, Jessa. ∞.
P.S. F*ck love.
NEXT: Back to Hannah