”Gilmore Girls”: The men behave badly
I’m all mixed up! This week, everything up was down, right was left. My allegiances have all gone topsy-turvy. We all knew it was coming: The writers were going to pull a switcheroo on us. But who knew it would come so fast and furious, from the first scene no less! If I harbored any delusions that the Gilmore Girls writers might actually want Lorelai to end up with Christopher, they showed their hand in the opening scene, in which Lorelai and Chris made cute while looking at a house, a new house far, far from the familiar confines of Stars Hollow. However charming some of us think Chris is, if he at all contributes to Lorelai leaving Stars Hollow, he must die. Sure, he was understanding about her wanting to stay put, but now he’s got us wary. And when online writers are wary, they strike.
Christopher, you son of a bitch! (David Sutcliffe, you’re still okay in my book. And we all know it’s those fickle writers that made you turn into the devil this week. But devil you are!) Mr. Hey, Lor, I’d Wait 80 Years for You/I Give Good Lovin’/I’m Funny and Loaded snapped after witnessing a tender moment between Luke and Lorelai and Luke’s new niece. (Speaking of, I know babies are healers and all, but wouldn’t there still be some frostiness between Luke and Lorelai? Last we saw, he got a load of her wedding ring at the hospital. Doesn’t she deserve a couple cold-shoulder scenes?)
Anyway, Chris narrowed his now wormy eyes and, later, made Lorelai pay. He pounced in bed and said they should make a baby. Kudos to the writers for this creepy but very affecting scene. Chris and Lorelai’s conversation about having another child shone a light on the gulf that still separates them as a couple. Of course she’d be wary about getting knocked up again, you dope! You ditched her before, and she doesn’t really trust that that won’t happen again. And ridiculous comments like saying that the ”last one turned out pretty good” don’t help. Lorelai calmly, effectively took Christopher to task, firmly reminding him that Rory didn’t just ”turn out” okay. A lot of hard work went into raising her, you doof. He looked sheepish, but the way a teenager looks sorry after they blow curfew and come hope smelling like Mad Dog. It’s not my fault I’m late — there was so much traffic.
So Lorelai is spooked, and Christopher’s pissed. And for the rest of the episode, he played passive-aggressive, sneering about Luke (”that diner guy”), blowing a fuse in front of Emily during a wedding-party planning session. Emily (best line of the night: ”Stephanie Pendleton promised to cook her husband lasagna once a month. Who wants to hear the word lasagna at a wedding?”) looked worried, and rightfully so. Christopher has gone bad, and now who among us can root for him?
Speaking of evil, how about that Anna? I just don’t buy it. She is a broadly drawn bitch from hell, and while I understand that custody issues are a bear, this whole subplot strikes me as pretty ridiculous. Wicked Anna is so steamed that she won’t even let Luke visit with April anymore. Thankfully, April was kept off camera this episode, so we didn’t have to witness her screaming and throwing fabric around her mother’s house in protest. I appreciate Luke’s determination to be a part of April’s life, but the writers aren’t doing a good job of raising the stakes for me here. As Anna’s cold voice curdled on the line, and Luke realized April was being kept from him against her will, all I could think was ”Save April, save the…enh, never mind. Lose April, and the world would probably be better off.”
Up at Yale, Logan paid Rory a visit. Now I know there was something in my ravioli last night, because I kind of thought he was the voice of reason for much of the episode. The two met up with Lucy, who is only half as annoying when she’s without Olivia and was just shy of likable when she said that she’d hug Logan but her pockets were full of Apple Jacks. Marty stumbled into the mix — Marty who I no longer think is kind of cute in a nerdy, earnest way, but kind of shifty eyed in a dangerous stalker way — and Logan caught up on Marty and Rory’s sham that they never knew each other. Logan didn’t get it and later rightly chastised Rory. Rory, why did you ever go along with this dumb routine? Signs are pointing to…you suck.
The four stupidly met up for dinner later, and at the end Logan — reeling from that unnecessary comment from Marty about trust funds? — came clean to Lucy. Lucy had a very strange shrieking fit and fled; Logan curled his lip in disgust and headed back to New York; poor Rory was dumbstruck. Rory, stop batting the china blues and take some responsibility! But however in the right he was, this whole scene proved again that Logan has a worrisome mean streak and he reveals it often. I can’t forgive him for that, although this episode was the most I’ve ever liked him.
I also can’t fully forgive Gilmore Girls for degenerating into hack Dawson’s Creek territory. But like a woman stuck in a bad marriage, I persevere. So while Christopher and Luke battled in the town square, a hatless Luke landing all of his punches solidly, and Christopher sucking air on the ground like a stuck pig, Emily surprised Lorelai on her porch with some stern advice. Her mother admitted that Christopher was immature, often foolish, and a man prone to bad choices. Emily, you clear-eyed wonder woman who sees all, you do not live in a bubble! He is all those things, and yet, like Emily, I kind of like him too (although the writers made it near impossible this week). She continued to give Lorelai a moving speech about marriage, and the need to compromise and weather storms. She warned Lorelai that this marriage could go up in smoke within seconds if her daughter wasn’t careful, and that Lorelai could easily end up alone again. Which, if Luke continues to mop the floor with Chris’ face, ”We Wish You a Merry Christmas” serving as his personal ”Eye of the Tiger” fight song, she just might anyways.
As we’re in reruns next week, I am bursting with questions. Is Luke bound for New Mexico? Will Lorelai heed her mother’s advice and stick out an adult relationship for the first time or realize she jumped the gun by eloping? Is the marriage even legal? Did Logan go overboard spilling about Rory and Marty’s connection? Does Lucy remind you of someone famous but you just can’t figure out who it is? Will Rory be so struck by the realization that, yes, maybe she isn’t that good of a friend to girls her own age that she’ll finally, finally give Lane a call and ask how that, you know, pregnancy thing is going? Will Christopher ever retrieve his scarf? While we chew over these important matters, let me bid adieu by wishing you a very merry hiatus.