Joffrey orders Sansa to walk with him and tells her they’re still going to get married. So she’s got sex with the tyrant who killed her father to look forward to. Great. To woo her further, he takes her outside and forces her to look at Ned’s head on one of the fabled spikes of King’s Landing. He says he’s going to give her a present — her brother Robb’s head on a spike too.
“Or maybe he’ll give me yours,” Sansa says, and did you cheer? At my place, there was cheering.
Joffrey notes he was told not to hit his lady, but figures out a workaround by having a member of his kingsguard slap Sansa instead — see, this guy is just an effective management problem-solver all the way around. She notices he’s standing on a platform several stories above the ground, no railing, all it would take is a single push to kill him. She starts forward–
And The Hound stops her. He acts like he’s merely wiping her bloody lip — if he actually voiced his suspicion, it would condemn her — but I think he knew exactly what what Sansa was thinking here.
In another room: We see what Cersei’s been doing — and it’s another family member! So she’s also having sex with her cousin Lancel Lannister — King Robert’s former squire, the one who gave him all that wine during the boar hunt. Is this better than her being with Jaime since it’s her cousin instead of her twin brother? Or is it worse because now we know she’s been boffing at least two family members?
In the field: We find out what Robb was attacking with his sword in last week’s finale preview: A tree! Damn you, HBO. Ah well. He’s full of rage about his father’s death. He wants to “kill them all.” Catelyn corrects him: “We have to get the girls back and then we will kill them all.” Fine, as long as killing them all is part of the plan somewhere.
Later, Robb’s men declare him King of the North, announcing their independence to separate from control of Joffrey and the Iron Throne. They were already at war with the Lannisters, but now they’re really at war.
Catelyn goes to visit Jaime, who seems intent on antagonizing and taunting her — “widowhood becomes you.” He claims he isn’t afraid of death, and maybe he’s not, but he also knows that as long as Joffrey holds Sansa, the Starks won’t likely kill him. Jaime confesses to pushing Bran out the window, but refuses to sell out his sister and Joffrey by revealing Bran caught them having sex. They have this neat exchange:
Jaime: “If your gods are real, why is the world so unjust?”
Catelyn: “Because of men like you.”
Jaime: “There are no men like me.”
Camp Lannister is also upset about Ned Stark’s death, just much-much less so. Tyrion points out any hope for making peace is ruined thanks to Joffrey executing Ned, while Tywin is furious that Robb has captured Jaime (remember, he was merely annoyed when his other son, Tyrion, was captured).
NEXT: Sexposition with Grand Maester Pycell; Dany made a bad deal