Way back in days of old/There was a story told/About a hero known as Galavant.
When we last left Galavant in season 1, he was on a ship full of pirates with King Richard sailing off into the sunset. His newly discovered true love Isabella had been locked away in a padded princess dream house awaiting an arranged marriage to her 11-year-old cousin. In the castle, Madalena and Gareth began to plot.
As season 2 begins, King Richard shipwrecks the entire pirate crew (but not before we get a self-deprecatingly rousing new theme song out of them), our heroes make a gay old pit stop on their journey, and the Queen and Guy Who Sits Next To The Queen land some quality zingers— but alas, no musical number. Still, there were plenty of jazz hands to keep us royally entertained. Here, we break down our favorite musical numbers (lyrics included), characters (MVP, Employee of the Week), and quotes (Quest Love) from this week’s episodes.
Best Song: “Off With His Shirt”
The Queen (Kylie Minogue) reigns supreme over The Enchanted Forest, a gay bar that Galavant and King Richard wander into while trying to find their way back to the kingdom. Obviously this is the perfect setting for an “It’s Raining Men”-adjacent disco rager sung by the pop diva herself — and a directive to Galavant (Did we mention Joshua Sasse is Minogue’s real life main squeeze?) to show us those abs.
Let’s get lyrical:
“Tell every Lance and Bruce and Kurt, off with his shirt”
“Baby you bet, you’re gonna get the punishment we deserve.”
“Off with his shirt, that’s the deal, you’re a beefcake Happy Meal.”
Almost Best Song: “It’s a New Season”
A snarky nod to the shock and awe of being renewed, the opening number is about as subtle as a ton of bricks and may finally get the OG Galavant theme song out of your head.
Let’s get lyrical:
“We’re going to have to kill you if you sing the freakin’ song.
It didn’t win an Emmy, now it’s time to move along.
Winter’s not just coming, hell it came and then it went.
Now it’s back with this year’s least-expected big event.”
“So in the weeks to come, ignore the pageants that they’ll hold,
Skip the football matches and the Globes made out of gold.
Screw all those Apprentices and every Bachelorette.
And give into the miracle that no one thought we’d get.”
“Yes there’s no reason why we burst into song,
You’ll know hell’s freezing over if we get decent ratings.”
MVP: King Richard
Employee of the Week: The Queen of the Enchanted Forest, of course
“Is there a name for when you throw up through your nose?” —King Richard
“Galavant is gone. He was a tall drink of water, and I’ll always keep him in my spank bank but…” —The queen of Valencia
Chef: I really hate the idea of you being forced into marriage. I’m kind of big into women’s rights.
Quinn: He really is. He says he’s going to let me keep our first daughter and not just throw them all out….
Chef: One daughter! Then we leave the rest for the White Walkers.
King Richard: I need another round of Mead Lights for Phillip and Sebastian, please…
Galavant: Tried to escape. Made it all the way to the door but my hands were too cold from mixing slushie drinks.
King Richard: Dad said you went to The Enchanted Forest and never came out.
Uncle Keith: [shakes his head] The other way around, kid.
NEXT: “World’s Best Kiss” … or just an okay one[pagebreak]
As the second half hour begins, Galavant and Richard see a fortuneteller, Madalena and Gareth have their first War of the Roses: Extreme Throne Room Makeover, and a botched round of medieval “Can You Hear Me Now?” was not the reception Isabella expected.
Best Song: “It Was the World’s Best Kiss”
Apparently it was most certainly not, which is what Galavant and Isabella discover as they reminisce and croon their long-distance dream duet. (It seems that everyone else already knew this.)
Let’s Get Lyrical:
“It was the world’s best kiss
And it was utter bliss,
Though it was moister than
I thought it would be.”
“And in my dreams I still can taste it.
Slightly yeasty. Oddly musty.
Distance and time have not erased it.”
MVP: The unicorn
Employee of the Week: Edwin the Fortuneteller (Acclaimed British actor Simon Callow)
“Hey can you get cancer from walking? Because I really feel like my feet are getting cancer.” —Richard
Isabella: Have you been there all night?
Chef: You never handed me the f—ing amulet.
Oh, the “Dogs Jousting” painting. Boys will be boys.
Self-referential mockery is still going strong with the running joke about the amulet. Chef and Gwynne play it best — as a duo, they’re pure Monty Python gold.
Unicorn wrangler: Unicorns are drawn to children and those who are pure of body.
King Richard: What’s that mean? Pure of body?
Wrangler: Those who’ve never been with a lady.
King Richard: [unicorn won’t leave him alone] This is obviously a fake unicorn.
“He makes you look like an ass–, ass–, ass–, ass–, astronomical leader by comparison.” —Chef
Now it’s your turn: What do you think of season 2 so far?