For all the flak suburbs get for being stale, boring, and decidedly uncool, Halloween is the strongest counterargument for the cul-de-sac life. Kids actually get to go outside — after dark! — and run around streets decked in stuffy polyester, with their friends, with tons of parents watching, all to score scores of candy. It’s a near-universal childhood and parental experience, a touchstone for families.
So it’s no surprise to see how incredibly stoked Louis is to have his first spooky night in Orlando. He storms home from the costume store with his-and-hers B.A. Baracus (a.k.a. Mr. T) get-ups. Don’t worry: The lady’s version is gendered with a bow-hawk in lieu of the classic masculine mohawk. Jessica is less than thrilled; she’s more interested in applying the final moves on her future home to flip. “Don’t you want to experience the one thing white people do better than us?” Louis poses. “Begging for candy in disguise to hide your shame?” Jessica retorts. “No thank you.”
Meanwhile, Eddie and his buds are detailing the best houses to hit: Trent breaks down the neighborhood in a way that’s reminiscent of a general preparing for war. As for costumes, Eddie sticks with his hip-hop love and rolls as Humpty Hump. At the very least, this outfit prompts maybe my favorite line of the series, from tiny Brian, concerning restrooms of fast-food joints.
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However, both Louis and Eddie’s Halloween dreams are jeopardized upon learning they live on a dead street. Eddie plans to go elsewhere, but Louis scrambles to earn a podium spot at the most-recent neighborhood meeting despite Evan’s concerns. He mobilizes the wives and concentrates their efforts on overturning the somber, spooky-less street with an A-Team-like effort fueled by Field of Dreams aplomb. Eddie is nearly derailed by Jessica’s insistence to scoop everyone up to protect the renovated house from petulant, evil teenage boys. Instead, he has to bring Evan and Emery on his sugar run.
This leaves Jessica alone to stave off the advances of the annoying teens. She poured in substantial money, time, and dedication into house-flipping — she has to protect it. Louis eventually realizes he needs to help her; he rounds up the boys to pile in a van and get over there for a counterattack: a revenge of the eggs. Thanks to teenage boys’ one weakness — snide teenage girls, led by Nicole — the Huangs are successful. Revel in your knee-high candy mountain in peace, Eddie.
NEXT: A ranking of the most ’90s Halloween costumes