Fun fact: In Carter’s world, kidnapping and holding your mother at gunpoint are not the worst things a person can do. Rather, that’s something she can forgive. But being overbearing? Well, that’s both ridiculous and 100 percent unforgivable. All of this is to say that she is SUCH A TEENAGER.
With that in mind, we’re going to nix the adult world this week, solely because the adults have fully integrated themselves into the teen drama of it all.
The Teenage World
We start things with Carter and Elizabeth — shockingly arguing — in what has to be one of the most classic teenager-parent conversations. Carter tells her mom that she’s seeing Jared, which results in Elizabeth commenting on his age, to which Carter gives us this response: “It’s not like he’s 40 or something,” which I feel every teen has said in some form or another. Elizabeth’s equally classic response is to pull the “you live in my house, you follow my rules” ultimatum. So of course, Carter threatens to move out.
Jared offers for her to stay with him or even for him to give her the money to get her own place. Wait, wasn’t his business going under like two weeks ago? How is he suddenly rich? I have no idea how it happened, but he must be rolling in it because next thing I know he’s offering to shut down the bar early so that he can throw a barbecue for his friends to meet Carter’s friends. And by “friends,” I hope he meant family because Carter just realized that today is Lori’s birthday, so she invited her! You know what they say: The only thing worse than meeting your girlfriend’s mom is inviting your girlfriend’s kidnapper/biological mom.
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Meanwhile, Elizabeth clearly owns the world’s meanest cell phone — it has to hate her to alert her that she has zero calls and zero messages. Seriously? That’s just rude.
Over at Max’s, Taylor learns that Max has to attend a parole hearing for his father in order to testify that they keep him in jail. And continuing with classic lines, Max gives us the classic loner line of “I need to do this on my own.” Yeah, that always just results in couple drama, so this should be fun.
So while Taylor gets ready for the barbecue — and learns way too much about Bird’s bedroom issues — Max heads over to finish the world’s fastest renovation. Only, when Gabe shows up and is all “I knew Taylor before you came along and I’ll know her long after you’re gone,” the two of them set the renovation back — but only by like 30 seconds — by getting into a fight and breaking a wall. NBD. Max can fix it.
NEXT: Jared’s secret is revealed
At the barbecue, Taylor gives Seth some sex advice before calling Lori a “giant toxic cloud” — yeah, she’s not great at insults. But it doesn’t take long for things to explode there, either. After Elizabeth runs a background check on Jared, she shows up at the barbecue just in time to watch Lori get presented with a birthday cake.
As if that wasn’t enough of a gut punch, Elizabeth then further messes up her relationship with Carter by informing her daughter that her boo thang has a wife … and a kid. And here you thought age was a problem before!
And yet, Carter finds some way to get over it. She hates Elizabeth, but she’s fine with Jared and allows him to explain that he was with his wife for less than a year and married her because of the kid. Now, they’re separated, and the only reason they’re not divorced is because she won’t sign the papers. (This is what we call a red flag, Carter.) Another red flag? Jared saying he wants a future with Carter and his daughter. CARTER. Are you ready to be a mom? Because that’s what he’s asking.
The one decent decision Carter makes is not to stay with Jared. But that’s not to say she makes a good decision on the topic. After apologizing to Elizabeth only to then tell her that she needs some space, Carter goes to stay with Lori. In what world is this a logical decision?!
As for Gabe and Max, they’re good. Gabe shows up at Max’s dad’s parole hearing, and Gabe agrees to respect Max and Taylor’s relationship. If you need them, they’ll be chilling in the basement that Max finished in approximately three days.
I don’t know about you, but if I were Carter, I’d have Max build me a house. He’d be done in like a week.
What did you think of the episode? Hit the comments with your thoughts or find me on Twitter @samhighfill.