In the season 12 finale of Dancing With the Stars, NFL superstar Hines Ward was able to achieve what Tom Bergeron’s voiceover hauntingly called “success in an environment where the odds are heavily in favor of failure.” I love how the writers have gradually turned this pleasant slab of American cheese into a dark and stormy torture chamber over the course of 12 seasons. Gotta keep ’em on their twinkle toes.
Chelsea Kane took third place despite her technical prowess, and Kirstie Alley wedged her way into second. Makes sense to me. Hines may not have been the best dancer, but he got the most votes. Same sparkle, different season. No need to dwell on the outcome. I love Hines and Kym and they deserved the COVETED MIRRORBALL TROPHY as much as anyone. Throwing Kym’s spinal cord on the line during rehearsals for their semifinal lifts? Totally worth it. Check out the heft of that gem. So many facets!
The Black Eyed Peas beamed over from whatever planet they live on to treat us to the network TV premiere (ugh, this is a thing) of “Don’t Stop the Party.” Now we know what all those stray lasers have been rehearsing for all season in our beloved ballroom. This was it! This was their time to shine. Will.i.am.so.relieved.to.finally.have.an.explanation.
NEXT: Psycho Mike tries out for the Troupe. What a feeling!