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Dancing with the Stars recap: Hippity, Hoppity, Van Intensité

A dancer heads home to normal life (boo!); Nicki Minaj and James Blunt perform

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Mark Chelsea Stars

Dancing With the Stars

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Tom Bergeron, Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, Erin Andrews, Julianne Hough
Current Status:
In Season

Spoiler alert: You don’t get one! Not with that headline. (And especially not if you’re crazy enough to understand it.)

The ballroom bid a sadder-than-expected farewell to Kendra Wilkinson and Louis Van Amstel on the season 12, week 7 results show. Kendra started breaking my heart even before they went under the red light — in her backstage confessional from Monday, she admitted “I don’t want this to end; I’m so in this now. It’s now a part of me, and Louis helped me find it.” What a classy exit for the bunny who originally inspired DANCMSTR Len Goodman to use the term “chesticles.” Mama’s coming home, Little Hank!

Chelsea Kane and Mark Ballas (every single time I refer to them, I have to go back and put her name in front) landed “in jeopardy” with Kendra and Louis, though, as usual, “not necessarily in the bottom two.” We had to endure a whole segment about Mark bitching, post-paso doble, that Len should have given him a higher score — even though, as Len argued in disbelief, Mark had gotten “equal first” from him, so what was the kid even on about? I’m annoyed all over again just typing about this. Imagine how much Len wanted to smack the smirk right off of that youngster’s face with one of the rusty, spare wares from the The Mark Ballas Chain Supply ‘N’ Warehouse. (Too much? Probably too much.)

Inside scoop from Our Host Tom Bergeron! Apparently Mark and his dad Corky have a special hand gesture that’s just for them, and on Monday night Mark — as pictured here — was not making a “wanker” gesture but was instead “rolling the dice.” I’m pretty sure Tom Bergeron is not a liar, or at least I’m pretty sure I should say that so he’ll continue to call me after the results shows. But there you have it. Rolling the dice!

Press the “play” triangle to hear this week’s ‘Host’s Leaderboard’! The Mark Ballas/”roll the dice” discussion kicks in at 7:20.

Can we talk about the little service bell/Scrubbing Bubbles guy on Brooke’s shoulder last night? Great. (Thanks to my mom and reader “salsalissentio” for making those useful connections.)

I think Brooke was pissed she wasn’t invited to the royal wedding, so she transferred her own ridiculous fascinator to the shoulder. Look at her. She is fuming!

Ooh, it’s fun to fictionalize Brooke. I’ll keep this in mind.

NEXT: Why does Tom Bergeron keep lying to me, DANCMSTRs?