Argentina, huh? Dexter is going to quit his job at Miami Metro, and run off to Argentina with Hannah and Harrison (after politely giving two weeks notice, of course). But first he’s going to risk all of that to kill the brain surgeon, whose identity was finally REALLY revealed, to avenge the murder of his dear longtime friend Zach Hamilton. Hmm.
Here’s 11 things we learned on Dexter this week:
1. Dexter loves Hannah! Hannah loves Dexter!: We start with the killers in bed. Dex’s butt remains under the covers this time. So do his feet, so we can only hope he eventually removed his green sexy-time socks. Dex tells Hannah he loves her and she says it back. They sound totally bummed, but who are we to doubt their feelings?
2. A real cop is in town: A Deputy U.S. Marshall shows up tracking Hannah. “Lem!” cry fans of The Shield. It would even better if it was Raylan Givens, but he would see through Dex in a heartbeat and end the show abruptly in suspenseful quick-draw contest. But Lem’s good too. He acts tougher to fool than the Miami Metro Clown College. Instead of hand-wringing about who to promote like Batista, or struggling with his girlfriend like Quinn, here’s a guy who seems… what’s that word? Oh yes: Suspicious. He’s suspicious of Dex. He’s suspicious of Hannah’s friend. Hell, he’s even suspicious of little Harrison (“What are you drawing kid!? It looks like you’re drawing a criminal to me!”). Speaking of–
3. What’s going to happen to Harrison? Dex’s offspring keeps popping up significantly in every episode. Whether watching Rastamouse or hiding the remote control or painting pictures of his dead mother or retrieving stuffed animals from the trash, Harrison is constantly around and doing stuff. None of it’s particularly interesting so far (A reader inevitably comments: “Give it chance, recapper! It’s only episode 9!”). But we assume this Harrison stuff is all going somewhere. Somewhere like–
4. Argentina?! With the Marshall in town, Dex says he’s going to quit his job to go to Argentina. Okay. With Hannah. Oh-okay. And Harrison. What?! Can we discuss for a moment what a terrible father Dexter is? Serial killer, that’s one thing, and kind of a big deal. But now he’s going to take his kid to Argentina where they’re going to live in hiding with another serial killer? And not because the cops are closing in, but just because he decided 60 seconds ago he’s in love with a poisonous hot blonde fugitive? He’s going to let Hannah make his child breakfast — the person who tried to kill his sister with poison partly because she was jealous of Dex’s love for her; a person who just a few days before poisoned him and his sister and left him inexplicably on the side of the road?
If you’re going to flee Miami, fine, but maybe at least try to pick a place that might be kid-friendly and isn’t just your gf’s travel dream. And sorry, jamming in a line of dialog like Harrison saying “I wish Hannah could be my mom” doesn’t help. He’s four, he probably wishes Rastamouse was real and that every meal was Lucky Charms. Not that anybody watching really thinks Dex is going to live happily ever after in Argentina with Hannah and Harrison. I don’t know how the series ends, but I’m sure it’s not going to end how Dexter tells us it’s going to end.
NEXT: The brain surgeon re-revealed!