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Desperate Housewives recap: Judgment Day

A maid has Bree evaluating her affair, the mommy brigade makes Gaby feel inadequate, and Lynette has to defend her marital dominance

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Desperate Housewives
Danny Feld/ABC

Desperate Housewives

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Well, Desperate Housewives TV Watchers, you can tell we’re just about up to sweeps. How? Because the folks who make DH are clearly saving their best stuff for the coming weeks — and they totally scrimped on giving much verve to last night’s episode. For the most part, the snoozy hour of Housewives — packed with super-super interesting story lines like a killer monkey at a Juanita’s birthday party, Bree chatting for hours with the housekeeper at her sinful motel, and Mrs. McCluskey’s boy-toy Roy disrespecting Lynette — seemed to just be filler before we get to what should be a rather explosive November. (Remember, we’re supposed to be treated to a catastrophic plane crash here before long!

The best story line of the show remains the conflict between Katherine and Susan, and last night, things only got worse between the pair. About that promise in last week’s teaser that someone on Wisteria Lane would be shot in this week’s episode? Yup, that someone ended up being Katherine at the hand of Susan, who shot her nemesis with a gun that Julie had procured from her former lover’s son, Danny. (Julie told Dominick that she wasn’t going to cavort around with him anymore when he approached her at her welcome home party. But, I don’t think the fat lady has sung yet for this relationship.) Luckily for the show (it cannot afford to lose Dana Delaney!), Katherine was just grazed and the scorned woman decided not to call the police, opting instead to take the high road on advice from Angie Bolen. The new housewife, however, was just trying to cover her own but: It turns out that the gun was registered under the Bolens’ real family name, so it behooved Angie to calm Katherine. Because if the police got involved, the Bolens might be discovered for… For what? We still don’t know! Seriously, this secret better be damn good or there are going to be some mad viewers (read: me!) out there.

Despite it intersecting with the going-nowhere Bolen story line, the Susan-Katherine storyline yielded some of the funniest lines of the nights. ”What is she patrolling for?” Angie asked, after Susan and Mike made out during the Neighborhood Watch meeting. ”His tonsils?” And at the same meeting, I loved when Susan asked if anyone could take the Thursday evening, 9 p.m. to 12 a.m., patrol shift. Lee’s hand shot up, just before Bob looked over at him with fire in his eyes and said: ”Project Runway!” Oh, the gays are stereotyped, per usual, but it still made me chuckle.

Then, when Susan was insisting that she and Mike have a happy marriage and was trying to fend off Katherine’s remarks about where her hubby ran off to, I couldn’t help but snicker at this cheap laugh: ”He’s snaking a ladies’ drain, okay?” she explained of the plumber. ”And yes, I realize how that sounded. Get your minds out of the gutter.” And, one more! And this time, from Orson, who hasn’t been funny in a long time on Desperate. It was classic when all the folks from Wisteria Lane were gathered in Susan’s yard after she shot Susan and Orson decided the gun should be unloaded. So he says: ”Perhaps we should unload this before someone else gets hurt,” and then looks at his wife: ”Bree dear.” Hehehe. Of course, I just gave Orson the props with that funny, but I think it’s actually more to Bree’s credit. Of course that crazy bitch would know how to unload a gun without question! It’s been a while since the show’s revisited her gun-enthusiast history.

NEXT: Gaby’s killer party

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