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Desperate Housewives recap: Killing Me Softly

Could Wisteria Lane’s serial killer be any duller?

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Desperate Housewives
Florian Schneider/ABC

Desperate Housewives

type:
TV Show
Current Status:
Pending
seasons:
7

I used to love watching soap operas back when I was younger — Days of Our Lives, Sunset Beach, Another World, and eventually Passions were my favorites. (I was a die-hard NBC guy when it came to soaps, for some reason.) Something happened every so often on most of the shows that would signal that the writers were out of ideas: A serial killer would appear and start offing people. And, truly, the bar was low for those shows, but the murderous storyline would land like a big ol’ pointless ton of bricks. So what was that thud you just heard on Wisteria Lane? Yup, the once-hot Desperate Housewives just landed  its own serial killer storyline. Wah-wah…

Granted, the Fairview serial killer has been terrorizing the town since early in the season when Julie nearly bit it and that one coffee shop girl died. But last night, it finally heated up and we learned the identity of the killer: Preston’s shaggy-haired friend, a character whose name wasn’t even uttered during the sub-par episode. The storyline strikes me as strange because I don’t feel much affinity for this serial killer — or the women he’s targeted so far. Julie? I could take her or leave her — she’s mostly annoying and seems so inconsequential. The coffee shop girl? I didn’t even know who she was. And Preston’s former fiancé Irina? Good riddance to bad rubbish! (Last night’s hour only sealed my hatred for her, what with her continual plot to screw over Preston and all.) Why, exactly, should I care that this guy is killing non-important characters on Wisteria Lane? If anyone can tell me that, I’m honestly all ears.

I suppose I’m expected to shake in anticipation of the moment — soon maybe? — when Preston’s shaggy-haired friend tries to kill one of the ”important” ladies on the street. From what EW scoopmaster Michael Ausiello has told us, it sounds like Lynette is the person who will take the brunt of this kid’s future plans in the season finale when she’s delivering her baby. But, c’mon, in the end, we all know none of the four principal ladies will bite it.

It’s sad, but the other mysterious, killer-related storyline on the show right now — the Bolen drama surrounding Patrick Logan, which had seemed like a flaming hot mess of a story previously — looks like smart plotting in comparison. At least with the Bolen mess, it sort of makes sense why Patrick Logan is back to take revenge on Angie, based on the fact that she took away his son years ago.

NEXT: A boy’s best friend is his mother…

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