Well, it’s certainly sweeps. And how can you tell? The dials on your favorite network shows get turned up all the way during this ratings-crazy period. And you could certainly see that with last night’s Desperate Housewives. No crazy tornadoes this go round. (Thank goodness!) But guest-starring this week? Sordid sex, oh my! On Wisteria Lane? You bet your bippy.
Susan donned a barely there French maid costume to lure Jackson back into bed with her. Mike and Katherine whipped up a lot of something in Bree’s test kitchen…but it wasn’t anything edible, per se. It was, however, caught on tape. (We found this out only after Orson and Bree did the same thing. Who knew pot holders were so, um… useful.) Lynette was still reeling from the sex her darling (riiiight) son Porter has been having with cougar Anne. The same goes for the Solis clan, who were dealing with the fallout from the unintentional sexual pleasure Carlos bestowed on one seriously whacked-out old lady. (And we thought Mrs. McCluskey was crazy. Ha!) Who realized the suburbs were so sex crazed?
Without question, the best moment of the episode, however, wasn’t sexy so much as it was totally bitchtastic and vengeful. Lynette threw down the gauntlet with Anne, the lady who’s been boffing her son. And it happened, somehow perfectly, in the school bathroom…right after a PTA meeting. The earnest remark from PTA leader Anne about protecting their children at a school dance — “If we don’t keep an eye on them, God only knows what kind of trouble they’ll get into” — sent Lynette into pit-bull mode. So, bam! She pushed Anne into the paper towel dispenser. Well, not so much pushed. Rather, slammed! As soon as Anne walked into the bathroom, I just knew something amazing was going to happen. But the beautiful thing about Lynette is that you never really know what, exactly, she’s going to do. While some characters — like, say, Bree — are much more predictable, Lynette is nearly always a loose cannon. Is she going to simply berate her opponent with a heart-wrenching speech? Publicly humiliate them? Eat a bunch of pot brownies and then embarrass herself instead? You just never know.
In this case, she reacted as only a mother would — with claws out. It’s probably a good thing that Porter and Anne are planning to run away (sadly, with what looks like his pitiful stash of allowance money!) because I don’t think the cougar would have seen the next sunrise if Lynette knew that she was pregnant. They’re keeping the baby, from what we can tell right now. We could devolve into some sort of discussion about whether they’re really in love or whether they should keep the baby, but where does that get us? This is undeniably a bad idea for these two, but it makes for a really juicy, albeit rather unnecessary, story line. Wasn’t the fact that they were doing it enough? Did she really have to get pregnant, too? (And on that note, why would she be pregnant when they were clearly using condoms? That’s how his dad found out, wasn’t it? I know condoms aren’t foolproof, but still. This revelation smells a bit fishy to me. Could Anne just be playing Porter so they can run off together?)
NEXT: Gaby bites the hand that’s been feeding her