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Desperate Housewives recap: Rude Awakenings

Bree catches on to Orson’s latest penchant, Lynette realizes what she wants to do next, and Gaby’s clearing of her conscience leads to a fatal act

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Desperate Crime
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Desperate Housewives

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How weird is it when the most exciting thing to happen on an episode of Desperate Housewives is carried out by a third-string character? That was certainly the case last night when Maria (if that name doesn’t instantly ring a bell, just know that she’s Carlos’ boss Brad’s wife) offed her husband after she found out he was cheating.

Despite the oddity of such a minor story line going in such a drastic direction, I must say it was all carried out in the most Desperate of ways. The crazed woman stabbed her hubby in the back with a big ol’ knife in the kitchen. You know what they say: If you can’t take the heat, then get out the kitchen. (Which is rather sage advice on Wisteria Lane.) I guess poor Brad just didn’t run fast enough.

Truth be told, I really didn’t see the stabbing coming. You fervent fans undoubtedly remember that Gaby caught Carlos’ boss Brad having an affair a while back. To keep Gaby quiet, Brad gave Carlos a big bonus, which allowed our favorite little spitfire to return to her life of spa treatments and shoe shopping. But by last night, Brad was expecting the $30,000 check he wrote to be more than just hush money: He forced Gaby to distract Maria so he could run off and sleep with his trashy new girlfriend, Shelia.

But, as we’ve all seen over the past season, Gaby does actually have a conscience and seemed to realize she was doing something bad by allowing the adultery to continue. (Especially when prodded by her do-gooder husband Carlos.) So, armed with an arsenal of nasty quips (”I want a new style that says I’m not a giant turd of sin!”), Gaby went to Shelia’s mall salon to talk some sense into Brad’s other woman. (Who, when I first saw, all I wrote in my notes was ”Skanky McSkankerson.” I mean, did you see how she had those melons out? Trash.) Gaby’s ambush did no good, and instead, Brad found out, which led to him to telling Maria about the affair. Which got him killed. (I mean, at least he looked pretty dead there on the floor. But as we know with Desperate and other shows — looking squarely at you, recent offender, Brothers & Sisters — dead doesn’t always really mean dead.) ”I just wanted him to stop talking,” a distraught Maria told Carlos and Gaby when they arrived. Maybe you should have asked him nicely to shut up instead of stabbing him? Or a little duct tape could have worked wonders, too.

Anyway, the weirdness of this situation is that, now, how does any of what transpired really spin things forward for Gaby and Carlos? I mean, unless Maria finds out about the hush money and reacts badly, this story line doesn’t have much more of an effect on Gaby and Carlos’ lives. That is, besides any residual guilt they may be feeling for covering up the affair for so long. (And I’m sure they can get over that.) Is there anywhere else to go with Brad’s death and Maria’s impending incarceration? (Since we viewers weren’t really invested in either of them anyway, it doesn’t seem likely.) Carlos had already lost his job before Brad was killed, so the Solis family was headed toward dealing with that regardless. Unless, maybe Carlos will get Brad’s old job? (Translation: even more spa treatments for Gaby.) Or Maria goes free and becomes the Solis’ live-in maid? Doubtful. That lady is going to the slammer, case closed.

NEXT: Interview with the crazies

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