Ballroom mayhem! During a monster Week 7 performance show, Tom Bergeron had to keep throwing to Diane Sawyer so we could all rest assured that drunken frat guys were still celebrating the death of Osama bin Laden. (For the record, Generalíssimo Francisco Franco is also still dead.) All of season 12’s remaining six pairs had to dance not one but two routines. Plus — and perhaps best of all — Weepy, Grumpy, and Dopey were totally squished all night thanks to one Donnie Burns, a.k.a. the Tiger Woods of the ballroom. Hmmm. I am unfamiliar with that term. Why not just call him “A Maks among men?” Speak in a language the DANCMSTR nation can understand, please!
I loved how uncomfortable the sudden crowding effect made all of Our Judges, and I appreciated Donnie’s gentleness and thoughtful vocabulary, even though he did hold up the wrong paddle for Romeo and committed a major metaphor fail (meta-faux-pas?) when he tried to compare Hines Ward’s arms to “American Airlines.” Cringe!
EW.com reader Fridge perhaps characterized our visiting judge best: “Did Donnie remind anyone else of Stanley Tucci’s character from Shall We Dance? I could totally picture Donnie putting Vaseline on his teeth before the show so his smile would REALLY pop on TV.”
Both of the cha cha groups — Team Hines (winners of the “booby prize,” ewwww, Len) and Team Chelsea — got the same score, 30 out of possible 40. Crazy, huh? So I’ll just list the couples’ solo scores below.
Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude:
EW’s Doc Jensen is a DANCMSTR. Who knew?! The Man in Black Sparkly Leggings, for sure.
NEXT: Will the New Kid on the Block and the three usual dwarfs please reveal their scores?