An interesting development occurred before everyone laced up their Danskins on Monday—Noah Galloway was fixing to dance with a prosthetic arm! The Alabama native picked up a space-aged prosthetic limb that “works through sensors in the sockets that touch what’s remaining of my tricep and bicep,” he told me. (For more deets, click here). Ultimately, the motivational speaker-cum-Kenneth Cole cologne pitch man left the prosthetic at home because the Argentine Tango was no dance to try out a fancy new toy.
I’m ashamed to admit it but I did begin this season thinking that Galloway would probably make me shudder at one point or another. Turns out I didn’t have to worry—not when someone like Charlotte McKinney was in the house! Tonight, we learned that it’s hard for dyslexics to watch someone teach them how to dance because they are “visual learners.” Huh? It’s also tough to practice while receiving an endless siege of texts about modeling. Charlotte’s busy, y’all!
Though she really didn’t deserve a sexist dig like “you’ll never win the Nobel prize for quantum physics” from Bruno, the Carls Jr. model was practically begging for the big heave-ho on Monday. And her wish was granted—especially after her underwhelming rumba.
“I learned so much,” she said after learning she was history. “I am extremely grateful. It’s tested me and I feel like a better person.”
Here’s how the rest of Latin Night played out:
Rumer Willis and Val Chermkovskiy
First she sticks her hoo-ha in Val’s face and then she dings him in the kisser at the roller rink! At least she made up for the rehearsal antics by performing a steamy salsa that had Val channeling a (much sexier) Travolta, circa 1977. “One thing that’s been missing is the exuberance, but you came out tonight, that’s the best dance I’ve seen this season,” said Judge Len Goodman. “Monday night fever starts right here,” added Judge Bruno Tonioli. “You’ve got the body of evidence.”
Score: 33 out of 40
Charlotte McKinney and Keo Motsepe
After a peculiar statement about how she’s a “visual learner” because she has dyslexia (and hi? Isn’t that how choreography is taught? Somebody please help me to understand!), the model seemed to indicate she was too busy to rehearse—”I’ve got so much going on this week”—so maybe you should cut her, America. “You didn’t take Keo’s instruction,” said Carrie Ann Inaba. “You get out what you put in,” added Len. “Everybody is busy. Everybody has other jobs.” Snap!
Score: 22 out of 40
Michael Sam and Peta Murgatroyd
The footballer’s butt and arm movement didn’t impress the judges. “Salsa [is] supposed to be fun and exciting,” said Carrie. “That made me so nervous because the lifts were not quite placed. I did not feel safe.” “The last two weeks were definitely stronger,” added Judge Julianne Hough.
Score: 24 out of 40
NEXT: Willow Shields proves she can keep up with the adults
Riker Lynch and Allison Holker
The man from Glee performed a superior salsa that should have had Rumer running scared. “A male contender for the title!” exclaimed Carrie. “You blew my mind.”
Score: 34 out of 40
Suzanne Somers and Tony Dovolani
Apparently, this isn’t the first time that Chrissy Snow has paraded around in a food hat. She did it in 1980! But even her fruity choice of chapeaus couldn’t compete with her massive tail feather at the Copacabana. But hey, Len liked it! “That was juicy, fruity and full of fun,” Len said. “At this stage in the competition, I would like to see more depth from you,” added Carrie, the killjoy.
Score: 25 out of 40
Chris Soules and Witney Carson It sure seems like blondie did a heckuva lot more Argentine tangoing than Prince Farmer, but he sure looked good in his black suit, and he totally blew away the judges. “You are the comeback kid,” said Julianne. “I’m super impressed.” Added Bruno, “So present. I can feel the sparks fly between you two!”
Score: 28 out of 40
Robert Herjavec and Kym Johnson
The shark got teary-eyed during the rehearsal for their rumba that was both elegant and further evidence of how they’ve got the hots for each other. “That’s how you set the mood … for love,” said Bruno. “Your chemistry is ridiculous,” added Carrie.
Score: 29 out of 40
Patti LaBelle and Artem Chigvintsev I’m not sure this cha cha was the sexy way but it sure was the bitchin’ way for the owner of Hotel Del La Belle. “It’s so fun to watch as a whole,” said Julianne. “We have to see a little more content (as in more dance steps).”
Score: 22 out of 40
Willow Shields and Mark Ballas
The youngin’ had us thinking she couldn’t keep up with the adults, but she performed a raging paso doble, thanks to Mark’s crazy good choreography. “First paso of the season, that’s going to be hard to beat,” said Len. “Fantastic,” added Carrie.
Score: 32 out of 40
Noah Galloway and Sharna Burgess
The arm looked like a pain in the ass to use—and thank God he didn’t use it, because it would have taken our attention away from those fancy kicks and that stunning lift. “There was obviously nothing simple about that. The choreography was so strong. Sharna, the choreography is so incredible,” Julianna said. “That was miraculous,” added Bruno. “The interpretation was spot on.” Len summed it up: “You’re my heroes.”
Score: 30 out of 40
Nastia Liukin and Derek Hough
The pro’s crazy schedule doesn’t seem to affect the gymnast’s ability to pull off an impressive samba. “It’s so exciting to watch,” said Bruno. “I loved all the flexibility,” added Carrie.
Score: 34 out of 40