On top of the usual glitz and glamor of a season premiere, we learned a valuable lesson Monday night; dancing can be dangerous.
But danger can be good and bad. Dangerously high expectations for double season Olympian Lolo Jones resulted in a misstep before she could even take her first step on the dance floor. And don’t expect feathers to appear in Betsey Johnson’s next clothing line—that boa trip landed her on the bottom of the leaderboard. However, MMA fighter and action star Randy Couture proved that doing something dangerous for a living can come in handy in the ballroom with an unexpectedly beautiful fox-trot. The producers must have given themselves a pat on the back after dodging the dangers of casting when two of the most controversial “stars” of the season, Duck Dynasty‘s Sadie Robertson and YouTuber Bethany Mota, received high marks for their dances.
All of that was just a tease leading to Alfonso Ribeiro, the Fresh Prince front-runner who blew everyone away with a jumping jive that earned the highest score and the first encore performance of the season tonight. We can only hope that seeing Silver Spoons costar Rick(y) Shroder in the audience is also just a tease for a future visit from Will Smith, that or Ricky is just getting prepped for his inevitable turn to tango.
Without too many of these one-hour elimination shows this season, there was still some awkward time to fill besides placing Betsey and Tony, Lea and Artem, Lolo and Keo, and Michael and Emma in jeopardy for elimination. That’s right—four couples. Buzzzzkilllll. So why not show what happens when you put the three new pros alone in a warehouse with baby oil? Seriously, was that anything else besides just being one huge, sweaty tease? Oh, they’re gonna talk about themselves and then dance? Personally, I would have rather just seen Artem in his purple Calvin Kleins.
The celebrities also explained their motivations for dancing on the show, with each having something to do with either a parent or a man, the man Jesus Christ in the case of little Miss Sadie. But everyone knows celebs just do this show to lose weight and a job offer after. Smokey Robinson and Aloe Blacc performed a funky version of “My Girl” that was almost impossible to actually dance to, though Witney and Mark sure did try. It got a little better and more in tempo though by the end—but quick! Think of another possible way to embarrass the professional dancers. How about their early audition videos? Don’t really care? Well too bad because a quick social media vote resulted in Derek’s tape being shown.
After assuring that Betsey would keep her corset on, Erin and Tom got back to the actual purpose of the hour, and naturally it came down to the lowest scorers Betsey and Lolo. After only one night, Lolo and Keo were the first couple eliminated from the competition.
As a professional athlete, we know Lolo doesn’t like to fail. You could also tell this from her inability to not talk over the judges and aggressively defend herself against the critiques she most definitely deserved or her heartbroken disappointment backstage with Keo immediately after. Lolo gave herself another go at the gold when after failing to medal in Track & Field at the 2008 and 2012 Summer Olympic Games, she joined the bobsled team for the Sochi Winter Games earlier this year. Sorry, Lolo—the Olympics are on NBC and apparently, ABC isn’t interested in second chances.