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Dancing with the Stars recap: Threesomes!

How did it take 14 seasons for “dance trios” to enter the mix? Praise Lord Mirrorballus, for they are here now!

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Dancing With the Stars

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Tom Bergeron, Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, Erin Andrews, Julianne Hough
Current Status:
In Season

Well, it’s official: I love threesomes. I’m REALLY into them. I just can’t believe it’s taken 14 seasons of Dancing With the Stars for me to figure this out.

I was a huge, huge fan of the “dance trios” — ha, nice try guys — last night. The whole concept seemed like such a fun, easy way to bring back some of Our Pros and showcase some of Those Decoys that I found myself wondering how this hadn’t happened yet. Everyone loves sex! And who wouldn’t want to see the dearly departed Karina, Val, Tristan and Tony dance again, or Sasha and Henry earn a well-deserved spotlight? Just a genius idea all-around. Dance Duel, ya burnt!

In the immortal words of Maria Menounos, Greek goddess of self-pity and navel jewels: “I like all this touching.” Need we say more?

Tile This S***!

New desktop background? Consider it. I’m happy to Photoshop your face in there for free.

Also: Psssssst. Melissa. Your right hand’s a little too high.

Will the judges please reveal their scores? Carrie Ann Inahhhh-ber!

William Levy and Cheryl Burke: 30/30 foxtrot + 27/30 paso doble = 57/60 William brought Cheryl a huge bouquet of flowers for her birthday (I’ll just take the delivery boy, please) but the only gift Cheryl wanted was the prospect of “nailing your two dances today.” You’d think they’d be polite and wait for their threesome member Tony before they started nailing, but no! The couple earned a perfect 30 in round one, the foxtrot. Strutting stray cat William doesn’t bother chasing mice around, but he will follow a sparkly, tiered-fringe newsprint gown (yes! that exists) to the ends of the earth, or at least the edges of the ballroom. “You couldn’t be more debonaire and suave if you tried. I hate you even more!” cried Bruno. Good thing William didn’t need his adorable son to defend his dad against Bruno’s jealous rage, because Baby Levy looked sleeeeeepy.

With the help of a simple mask and cape, William transformed into Zorro for the “trio dance” and got to live out the dream he’d had as a little boy in Cuba. I wonder if, as a little boy in Albania, Tony Dovolani wanted to be a doctor. He had transformed into one during their rehearsal footage, with the long sleeved white shirt under the light blue tee. Is it that easy? Can I just dream of becoming the creme filling of a Chmerkovskiy sandwich and it will happen? No. This threesome’s paso doble, featuring William and Tony as the White and Black Swans of matadors (or the “two raging bulls” according to Bruno), challenged our piping hot empanada to rise up to the level of Our Pros. And he did it! Thanks to a very effective camera angle, it even looked like Wiliam was leading/out-charging Tony in their violent knee-runs. Knee runs are all the rage this season! As are THREESOMES.

NEXT: Is Roshon Fegan the new comeback kid?