Week 4 on Dancing With the Stars season 13 was Movie Night! You know what that means. Actually, I had no idea, but it turned out to mean that Planet Mirrorballus would bestow upon us the greatest gift of all. No, not Cher — oodles of loving closeups on some of our most cherished Harold Wheeler Band members! Enthusiastic Chimes Lady got to solo on the slide whistle and the xylophone. A movie reel screening zone on the “second floor” provided for a closer look at the woodwind and string sections! Impeccably Manicured Trumpeter blended in alongside equally groomed brass tacks! Thoroughly Professional Violinist now has a buddy who is almost as professional as her but has hipster glasses! Were those French horn players twins?! A lady played the harp! Oh, it was a sight for sore eyes. Thank you to the Sparkaliens responsible for giving these supporting characters who lurk behind those fun and extra classy ‘HWB-DWTS’ music stands the spotlight they deserve.
Also, Cher! I truly do not mean to minimize the impact of Cher. I mean, there was Cher. I Found Someone about three rows back, and it was Cher. (A travesty! But maybe that’s what she wanted.) It’s just that this week was so absolutely, viciously, lusciously RIDICULOUS that the fact that Cher was there was just a sweet dollop of extremely smooth and shiny fondant on a layer cake of crazy. I mean…. Those costumes! The double-decker orchestra! The decoys “performing” light saber wars during the dance demo! Tom Bergeron’s Now, in a world studded with rhinestones…. sportscaster-esque voiceover! Gypsies! Tramps! Sleeves!
The scoring was off and the dancing wasn’t perfect, but for those reasons too, everything about this episode was quintessentially Dancing With the Stars. I loved it.
Will the judges please reveal their scores? Carrie Ann Inahhhhh-ber!
NEXT: Dial 1-800-VOTE4-11 for Murder