The sweetest girl in the world, supermodel survivor Petra Nemcova, left the ballroom in tears last night. Maks almost cried. Even I sprouted a surprise tear, and my heart is made of gemstone. I shall miss Petra and Dmitry mightily. Congratulations to them on a good dancing run and an excellent takeover of the DWTS Perfectly Pretty People throne from former royals Alec and Edyta. Kirstie Alley and Chris Jericho were the ones named “in jeopardy” this week, but I’m guessing the DANCMSTR nation suspects that Kendra Wilkinson and her vicious menstrual cycle might have been in the actual bottom three. Who knows? Really disappointing elimination. I loved the hand-heart Petra made at the very end of the telecast.
Toby Keith was on hand to Americanize the ballroom even further on this patriotic week 5. First, Maks and Lacey joined the DWTS troupe for “Should’ve Been a Cowboy.” This was a blur of white ruffles and denim, and Maks’ beard looked more severe against a collar and tie (on a sleeveless shirt, of course). So much can change in the absence of a tank top. Lacey was perched higher on her final pose than any of the other women, so that Our Pros could assert their dominance over Our Troupe. We didn’t get to see Lacey’s dismount, but Tom laughingly said “Very graceful, Lay.” Just sayin’, those three words make up pretty much the best compliment you could get after someone watches you roll around on the floor with Maks. Later on, Jonathan and Anna (yes!) returned to the ballroom for “American Soldier.” Anna’s very clean-cut hubby looked more like Gilbert Blythe than ever here. Nice zoom-in on his wedding ring at the end. American values! I bet she whips that tremendous fiery mane all over him….IN BED. Oh, Gil!
Of course, my favorite results show segment this week was “Dancing With the Stars: EXPOSED,” featuring the ultimate hidden gem — the DANCMSTR vanity plate behind Psycho Mike! Hello, my dream office. Too bad I only have the lame magazine-insert version of that huge poster of the fringed skirt — and just one computer screen — in my own office. Boo-hoo, Barrett.
NEXT: “I’m like a stick that’s been dipped into a boiling pot of sex.”