Oh, DANCMSTRs! I want it to be Classical Night every week on Dancing With the Stars. Every week until that bizarre, glittery orb, Planet Mirrorballus, spontaneously combusts into millions of sparkly smithereens — but for real this time, not just some fakeout explosion like we see all the time at the end of the opening credits. I’m talking full-blown outer space disaster. Yeah!
What the heck? Sorry to go there. I’m just so excited! The Harold Wheeler Band had transformed into a 46-piece orchestra, complete with Vagabond Messy-Bunned Violinist David Garrett and mezzo-soprano soloist Katherine Jenkins, and classy “HWB/DWTS” music stands. There were flaming torches behind Tom “Probst” Bergeron. Kirstie Alley lost her shoe! Len wore a tux! It was all so grand, my friends. If you looked up “DANCMSTRy” in the ballroom’s dusty old dictionary, it’d have a picture of last night’s show — preferably the majestic overhead sweep of the orchestra featuring our krazy keyboardist and his many, many pianos. That guy’s got quite a set!
Last night’s music sounded incredible, and it struck me how important the music is to this show. Or, at least, how important it could be — usually I just try to squelch all memory of the accompaniment and just focus on the dances, because either the song choices or the arrangements can be so cringe-worthy. Not so this week. “It’s all about the beautiful picture,” Maks said, and this week the swelling orchestra enhanced that picture like I never realized it could. It was like DWTS had finally “reached its full potential” or something lame/inspirational like that. Wait, not lame. Amazing! Epic! Enthusiastic Chimes Lady was on the cymbals, people! Ahhhhhhh! I’m flipping out all over again. I’ll eventually get into the dances. Any minute now. Yep. Just let me reiterate: I. LOVED. CLASSICAL NIGHT. Boom. FIRE.
Will Vagabond Messy-Bunned Violinist please reveal the judges’ scores? Vagabond Messy-Bunned Violinist!
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