Week 2 in the Glitz Galaxy was rife with unprecedented conflict. On Monday, Bruno whipped out the ‘3’ paddle from his magical box of tools. Plus, there was mysterious booing in the ballroom, and no one knew why! For the results-show telecast, Tom Bergeron confirmed what he told EW on Tuesday afternoon: The boos were for Jennifer and Derek’s scores, and not for Sarah Palin. They even showed a tape…of the judges. So Boo-gate is settled.
But the drama continued: Michael Bolton-in-jeopardy told Brooke backstage about his disappointment with Bruno’s Monday night comments. Bruno had called Bolton’s “Hound Dog” jive, in which the singer had crawled out of a doghouse in search of a tasty bone, “probably the worst” jive in the series’ history. “Last night, I think Bruno was inappropriate and disrespectful,” said Bolton during Tuesday’s results. Good for him; he should get to speak his mind. But was Bruno not allowed a judgment call? It was harsh, yes, but I didn’t mind the sudden gust of honesty for once. I’m never sure where the official “line that dare not be crossed” exists with this show. I suppose last night’s was somewhere between “worst jive ever” and DNCMSTR Len Goodman’s joke about needing a pooper scooper to clean up after Bolt the dog.
I think the only appropriate response to this whole situation is to watch an hour of back-to-back Michael Bolton videos on my computer. As I type this. Chelsie should do that someday, too, so she can figure out what the guy is all about. Earth, Hair, Water, Fire. I understand why Bolton thinks he wasn’t given a fair shake on reality TV, but maybe it’s not such a huge loss. This didn’t mean the world to him. A bit of time, love, and tenderness and he’ll be back onstage (in concert, in Nebraska, as scheduled) by next Monday night.
No one in the ballroom was shocked that Bolton was eliminated — except maybe The Situation, who was the last to be announced as safe, and gallantly trotted over to shake hands like a good soldier. (Rick Fox and Brandy were announced safe just prior.) And I’m certain none of you will be shocked to learn that my favorite results-show filler segment was the relatively pathetic one about the RITUALS of Our Pros. Some of these rituals seemed so ludicrous I was convinced they were half-baked jokes. Louis eats chocolate cake? Derek refrigerates his socks? Corky makes love to the dance floor to “feel the aura” of the ballroom? (Actually that one I believe.) Cheryl puts hand sanitizer under her armpits?! Keep spinning this shimmery web of lies, friends!
NEXT: This used to be Our Pros’ playground.