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Emmys 2017
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Dancing with the Stars season premiere recap: Dancing Girls

For the season premiere of Dancing With the Stars, the female celebrities perform first, with the Cheetah, Spice Girls and a Medicine Woman coming out on top

Posted on

Craig Sjodin

Dancing With the Stars

TV Show
Reality TV
run date:
Tom Bergeron, Carrie Ann Inaba, Bruno Tonioli, Len Goodman, Erin Andrews, Julianne Hough
Current Status:
In Season

The ”Dancing” season premiere: All-girl action

Whee! They’re back! It only took a sea of red sequins, a closeup of Maks taming his eyebrows, and a few swingin’ bars of a song I would never listen to in real life to remind me — only seconds into the show — why I’m such a ”Dancing Fool.” (Whaddya know, EW.com has its own little DWTS photo gallery devoted to that very topic!) How killer was the pro dancers’ opening number? Two new boys! The return of my lady love Anna Tre-BUN-skaya! No Samantha Harris! I thought I was in heaven. But then Drew Lachey kept telling me to ”get on the horn,” and I realized I was just in my apartment.

Since DWTS is apparently now modeling itself on Olympic figure-skating competitions, the women and men are performing on separate nights this week. I actually like this method a lot; it keeps us from judging the amateur women against the flashier female pros, and vice versa. But it’s just a one-week deal. We’ll be comparing the shape and jigglability of Wayne Newton’s ass to Alec Mazo’s in no time. It’ll be awesome. Now onto the ladies, in ranking order:

Sabrina Bryan: 26 out of 30 points Sabrina is something called a ”Cheetah Girl.” There were paw-print-size holes in her sequined, fringed skirt that I’m guessing served to denote ”cheetah.” She injected hip-hop moves into her first televised ballroom dance because, as she put it, ”I know my Cheetahlicious fans out there are gonna love it!” My gut reaction to all of the above is: No. No no no no no! And yet, yes. As much as this person’s speaking parts made me want to hit fast-forward while continuing to refrain from looking up ”Cheetah Girls” on YouTube, Sabrina danced the cha-cha incredibly well. She certainly has the ballroom ”Look at me! You’re not looking!” persona down pat. I’d rather not listen to any more of her, but I do want to see more dances from Sabrina and new pro partner Mark Ballas. They kind of rocked.

Jane Seymour: 24/30 First of all, I adored Jane’s taped introduction to Tony Dovolani. It was so cute to see the seasoned actress squeal like a teenage girl upon meeting one of her big-time TV idols, Tony Dovolani. (He was excited, too!) The pair’s theme for the season will be ”Class and Grace,” and to prove it, Tony kept his tie on during rehearsal. Their practice footage emphasized Jane’s knack for self-punishment, but the pressure seemed to pay off in a lovely fox-trot. Carrie Ann and Len both called Dr. Quinn ”elegance personified.” Awww!

Scary Spice: 24/30 In a clear ploy to lord animal-print seniority over Cheetah Girl, the Spice Girl came out cha-cha-ing in her signature leopard-like fashion. I didn’t think the dance itself was fantastic — it looked exactly like what Maks did with Laila last season, except Mel B. has more energy and a better performance face. The pair’s behind-the-scenes drama should be more exciting than their dances. I loved how her first line to Maks was ”Oh, I’m glad — you’re hot and in love with yourself and cocky.” And same to you, milady! As payback, Max instituted what I hope will be a permanent rule during rehearsals: ”Don’t squeal.” They’re gonna fight so much. I can’t wait.

NEXT: Girls on the bottom