‘Dancing With the Stars’ recap: Trot out the women
After the second installment of Dancing With the Stars‘ equal-parts-tragic-and-magic three-night season premiere, I can safely announce that the central battle of season 9 looks to take place between two wildly opposite, musically inclined showbiz families whose names amusingly both begin with ”Os.” What I can probably not so safely announce, and what would surely get bleeped out if this experience contained an audio element, is that now that I’ve seen all of the season 9 contestants dance, ”I feel like I really busted my cherry, you know?” That’s what Macy Gray said after her first time dancing at the famed Planet Mirrorballus stampede rodeo. We couldn’t hear it. And if my editor takes it out, you won’t be able to read it, and I won’t have much of an opening paragraph. That last part is arguably true either way. Without further ado, EW.com, in conjunction with 1980s Debi Mazar non-vehicle ‘Graffiti Rock’, proudly presents the top 8 ladies of season 9…
Joanna Krupa and Derek Hough: 24 out of possible 30; 1st in foxtrot relay (34) It takes a very special swimsuit model to convincingly dance in fringed pants in her very first routine — especially when those pants look like they should be on top of the cake at the wedding reception for Sesame Street‘s Big Bird and Snuffleupagus. (The yellow was all Bird, but the length of the fringe screamed Snuffy.) The majority of viewers who recognized Joanna likely know her as the girl who wigged out on her Superstars partner Terrell Owens this summer, but as of right now I don’t anticipate any dramatic blowouts between Joanna and the mop-topped dance pro. That is, until a routine massage takes an ”unexpected” turn and the two embark on a showmance for the ages. Or at least until the next time Joanna accidentally clocks Debi Mazar in the face after beating her in a foxtrot relay. Despite Joanna’s backstage hyperactivity (read: she’s kind of annoying!), at this point I’m as delighted with her on-stage confidence as the judges are. After eight seasons, I’m all too aware that female DWTS contestants who aren’t afraid to blatantly embody ”sex” right off the bat are few and far between.
Mya and Dmitry Chaplin: 21/30; 1st in cha cha relay (31) Mya and Dmitry’s Viennese Waltz had incredible lines, effortless footwork, Disney-princess costume qualities…and a ludicrous three-way judges’ hissy fit the likes of which I hadn’t expected to see until at least week 3. It’s almost as if DANCMSTR wanted to distract all of us early on from the fact that Mya almost looked like a pro. He went on and on, railing against Dmitry that he’d put together a ”theatrical hodge podge” instead of a proper Viennese waltz, even after openly acknowledging that technically the pros are free to incorporate the American Smooth style instead. ”The three bars you did in hold, I didn’t like,” complained DANCMSTR. Anyway, Mya and Dmitry make a hot pair, but the real star of this segment was Tom Bergeron, who made up for accidentally calling Mya ”Moya” in the pre-dance intro by asking DANCMSTR, ”Have you been to three bars tonight?” Tom’s Flash Forward plug was also inspired, and hopefully not by the teleprompter.
NEXT: Ozzie’s baby gets loose