‘Pop Star Aaron Carter” twirled softly out of the orbit of Planet Mirrorballus last night, leaving only some crushed red velvet and a trail of tears in his wake. That old wanker Len Goodman had some choice words for Aaron before he left: ”You’re an inspiration to all young people that anything is possible. If you were my son I would be so proud of you.” The words sound a little overwrought as I read them at 1 a.m., but at the time they seemed perfectly profound and for the sake of Aaron and his bewildered-looking cheering section, I’m glad they were uttered. I even sobbed a little. What? Come on, it was a rare emotional DANCMSTR Moment! Also, I was really sick yesterday. Quit judges-leaderboarding me and let’s move on. When the judges all stood up to say goodbye, I became obsessed with Carrie Ann’s sparkly forest green gown as well as Aaron’s slight hesitation while he gauged whether his new daddy wanted a kiss in addition to a handshake. (No.)
DANCMSTR chose Derek and Joanna’s Futuristic Paso Doble (LOL) for the week 8 encore. I had no problem with that considering I have ”Living on Video” playing out of my laptop right now (nerd alert!), plus Joanna and Derek haven’t danced a solo encore yet. Oh, look, Hugh Hefner and his stable of bucking blondes had no problem with it either! It was kind of weird that DANCMSTR made a point of explaining why they hadn’t chosen a D-Mya dance, though. Yes, it’s what we were all thinking, but why call attention to it? Next time it might be more subtle if the judges all wear D.E.R.E.K. pins over their hearts.
Maks, Cheryl, Jonathan, and Anna Tre-BUN-skaya created a fun partner-switching kaleidoscope with musical encouragement from Michael Buble’s ”Haven’t Met You Yet.” I loved the reincarnation of Brooke Burke’s quickstep dress from season 7 (on Cheryl) and Melissa Rycroft’s quickstep dress from season 8 (on Anna). Michael Buble seemed to be wobbling around a lot. Does he lose his balance like that on purpose? He is not required to dance! Later on, my favorite Mysterious Pros yet danced to Buble’s rendition of ”Feelin’ Good.” Whoa, Tom mentioned their names at the end, amidst deafening applause! Heroically, I was able to decipher the word ”Agnes,” and by the power vested in me by a simple Google search can now inform you that these fine people were Urs Geisenhainer and Agnes Kazmierczak. His face was a dynamic cross between Louis and Derek, and she gave off a Carla Gugino vibe, all curvy and glam…she kept exclaiming ”Pah!” — silently, I’m guessing, but one can never know from the confines of her sickbed/sofa.
Susan Boyle belted out ”I Dreamed a Dream” as Tony displayed Chelsie’s crotch to the audience in case they’d been missing its unique contours over the past few weeks. Chelsie was not wearing shoes; I dreamed a dream that she was but then realized I was actually awake and merely remembering a similar Tony/Julianne pro dance. The wall-of-sparkly-beads backdrop for Susan was even more special than I’d expected, as was her festive gown, but I think the highlight of Susan’s visit ended up being the multiple ”awkward backstage moments” when she just kept waving and then nodding after each wave. Oh honey, no! So cute.
NEXT: Hidden Gem