On last night’s Dancing With the Stars performance show, another big twist! Samantha Harris’s silly baby had made her ill. Not sure what the technical term for her condition was, but I’ll go ahead and call it a particularly wretched case of the croaks. Don’t worry, she didn’t let that stop her from slobbering all over the contestants, wagging her germy microphone in their faces, and generally sounding like a monster whenever she spoke between demure sips of sparkly water. Still, Sam had some of her most precious hosting moments last night, particularly when, after Gilles called himself Cheryl’s ”nightmare,” she quipped right back, ”For many at home, a nightmare they wish was recurring.” (Haha!) Then she hocked a loogie at the monitor. (Probably.)
For many at home this morning, a nightmare we endured just hours ago was a loop of Sam leaning in way too close to the camera to growl sweet nothings like ”In case yah MISSED any of the numbers…” whilst dangling her bedazzled mic just above our non-pillow-safe ears. Throughout the night, Tom attempted to de-freak everyone out by jauntily comparing Samantha to pop culture figures so outdated that he became more and more faux-sickened by himself and by 10 p.m. was just generally defeated. I do not wish for Sam’s condition to worsen, exactly — but I have to say, her predicament made the entire night a lot more unintentionally hilarious than usual.
I mean…Get well soon! Here’s how the 11 remaining couples fared with either the Argentine Tango or the Lindy Hop:
Gilles Marini and Cheryl Burke: 30 out of possible 30 I can’t feel my face! Am I still here? Holy cow. Jeez! Missus. Woo hoo! Oh, sorry, DANCMSTRs, just channeling Carrie Ann for a second there. Cheryl’s tough-love training style is paying off: After ”Zheeeel” (as Samantha pronounces it, except last night it was more like ”Hccaahhch”) was shown pacing the studio all by his lonesome, reminding himself how ”Stupid!” he was, he and Cheryl turned out one of the best DWTS performances to date. The slicked-back hair, the black-and-purple palette, that one weightless lift that changed direction three times and then again once Cheryl hit the floor…happy sigh! The first 30 of the season! Even Tom (Gunn?) couldn’t keep a hearty ”That was fierce!” to himself after their final one-armed Cristian de la Fuente’s ruptured bicep-inspired pose (clearly one of Cheryl’s faves). My only complaint about Gilles’ Argentine Tango was that once the music ”kicked in,” by the time I got pumped up about the new lighting and quicker tempo, it was all over. Carrie Ann said she ”honestly couldn’t tell who was the professional and who was the celebrity,” which might have hurt Stacy Keibler in season 2 but shouldn’t have the same effect on Gilles because his (lack of) past dance experience is not in question. If he keeps this up — and you know Cheryl will — Gilles will easily win. So basically he needs to live in a bubble whenever he’s not rehearsing, so he won’t get injured. Preferably a giant mirrorball. Lined with webcams.
NEXT: Shawn gets tricky