Big twist! (But with zero hip action!) On last night’s Dancing with the Stars results show, two oafish men who can barely stand got to stick around another week, while two Barbie-like E! reality stars had to re-perform cringe-y sambas that no one wanted to watch. In the end, it wasn’t complicated: Not enough of America appreciates Denebby Downer Richards. Even though most people expected Steve Wozniak to get the boot (which would probably strike him in the knee, just for effect), Denise’s ouster wasn’t too surprising — or upsetting, it appeared — to anyone involved, most of all Denise herself. I’ve already received a few emails from you asking if I’m emotionally unstable now that ”Maksipoo” — or as I like to call him, Maks — has made another early exit. Thanks! But it’s okay. This just wasn’t his season. And no comment on the emotional instability.
Or maybe you’d prefer the sparkling commentary my mom submitted via email after the show: ”Denise, go home.” (She’s a way better writer than I am. So succinct!)
Last night’s dance-off was even worse than last Tuesday’s — a seemingly impossible feat that’s almost as impressive as Samantha’s ability to keep her bobblehead balanced against the opposing gravitational pulls of two earrings roughly the size of my desk fan. Denise actually won the dance-off according to the judges’ scores (note: if you’re confused about the ”piece of paper” situation, Carrie Ann explains it all in her week 3 EW.com blog ), but Denise still lost to Holly once the viewers’ votes factored in. If the show insists on this tiresome dance-off thing, I think the judges should have final say. Re-factoring in the viewers’ vote after the dance-off is confusing to us, embarrassing for the star, and makes the judges seem so pointless. Wait a minute…that pretty much defines the entire series! So maybe it does make sense.
I find it kind of hilarious that Woz managed to stick around despite scoring a 10 this week. A 10. Total. Ten points! That’s insane. He’s got a dedicated following of computer literates gunning for him — check it out. I’m not sure when the novelty of creating 80 new screennames per week will wear off for these geeks, but if they can keep voting with the same kind of stamina I employ while refreshing this page all day, we’ll be seeing a lot more of Woz, the freshly nicknamed Pillsbury Doughboy of the season. Karina had a much better Doughboy-esque squeal than Woz, by the way. Were those two sneaking some Spread and Bake Brownie Batter under the danger-zone spotlight?
With no Macy’s Stars of Dance segment to remind me not to shop at Macy’s this week, I was thrilled with the rest of the results-night lineup. Karina, Maks, Tony, and Dmitry’s ”Maneater” number = possibly my favorite pro dance of all time, and that’s counting Edyta and Kym’s slithery, so-uncomfotable-it’s-genius routine to ”Hot Legs” alongside a leery Rod Stewart. Daryl Hall didn’t seem to be too familiar with the concept of a microphone and how no one can hear you if it’s not near your mouth, but Hall & Oates still ruled compared to some of the musical guests on this show. With his bare torso as a target, Maks made it easy for his Totally ’80s lady love to choose him over those other fully-clothed losers. An entire shirt? Who wears that?
NEXT: Alec and Edyta keep chasing pavements; plus, the Hidden Gem of the Week