‘Dancing With the Stars’ recap: Off the dancefloor and onto the links
Fore! NFL legend Lawrence ”I’d Rather Be Golfing” Taylor is probably on his fourth hole (”Beautiful Lines”) by now. I’d love it if someone at L.T.’s fave golf course decided to temporarily name each hole after a ballroom dancing term, complete with enormous sparkly flags, just to mess with him. We’d have our first hospitalized ”pro” of the season. Last night’s show was the most painless, good-humored, ”the feeling’s mutual, buddy” elimination we’ve seen in a long time, as Tom, Sam, and Edyta all (somewhat) lovingly ripped on Lawrence about golf because there was nothing much else to talk about. Tom even ad-libbed a perfect pun: ”Well, I’m glad we won’t have to see you get T’d off here!” The only jarring element of Lawrence’s ouster was the ironic warbling of the line ”I hate this part right here” during his final dance with Edtya. ”Hallelujah,” ”A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes” (Disney!) or anything by Hole (Golf! Enough already with the golf) would have been more appropriate.
Tons of dancing this Tuesday! I tried to play the hidden pictures game (anyone remember Highlights magazine?) with the encore of Monday night’s group dance, and came up with three major differences from the original: Chuck didn’t wear his Derek Mop wig this time; Shawn went with ”wiggling-legs handstand” in lieu of ”dance” on her platform, and Edyta wagged her ass dangerously close to the camera 3.5 times instead of 1.5. The pro fun continued as Dmitry and Lacey performed a terrific So You Think You Can Dance-esque exhibition (I believe Mia Michaels might have labeled it ”earthy” and ”grounded,” while in tears) alongside Natasha Bedingfield’s live performance of ”Soulmate.” N-Bed looked like Scar-Jo with that red dress and hair, I thought. Best part: Lacey’s full-twisting leap into Dmitry’s arms on the line ”if there’s a soulmate for everyone.” You think you’ve found your soulmate? You better fling yourself into his open-shirted chest!
The non-Macy’s-sponsored exhibition by dance troupe Burn the Floor is officially my all-time favorite Dancing With Strangers segment. They had me at ”History Repeating” and then their sexy tattered (nearly fringed) red-and-black costumes kept luring me in. There was no cheese anywhere in that entire dance, just ridiculous amounts of talent and a constant ”Hi, you’re watching the exact opposite of Carmen Electra’s week 6 s—show” vibe. I can’t find any info online yet, but I definitely want to see Burn the Floor perform on Broadway this summer. Later on, Eric Luna and Georgia Ambarian offered a rather literal interpretation of Josh Groban’s ”You Raise Me Up” as sung (liiiiiiiive) by Celtic Woman, which is actually like an entire chorus of women and men, plus Baby Spice on the violin. Georgia barely touched the ground, and at one she became Eric’s hands-free device as he spun her around on his head like a basketball. Does anyone else think cartwheels always kind of ruin things in a ballroom setting, even if they’re executed correctly? Down with cartwheels!
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